You suddenly got a WhatsApp message one morning – your ex is back in town and wants to see you.
You’ve been several months apart.
You were just starting to get your life back on track, and now this!
What does he want?
This message has left you confused because things ended between you months ago in a messy way.
So why would he want to see you again?
Not only that, it caused you anguish as you tried to concentrate on your work, wondering what he wanted…excited in a way because you haven’t forgotten him, but hoping he hasn’t come to upset your life that you have worked so hard to put back on track again.
So what drives a guy to suddenly re-enter your life again months after you broke up?
We’ve got 13 possible reasons that we can think of why he might be coming back.
They will help you decipher how you will move forward – whether it will be with him or without him!
What Will I Learn?
First, have you thought about why he left you in the first place?
Because that is going to help you figure out why he is coming back.
You might not like to hear this, but did you consider that your man most likely left you because you were no longer a challenge to him.
Men can’t stay in love if they don’t feel a little insecure.
Their eyes wander when you become too comfortable with them – the excitement is gone.
It’s those things that motivate him to keep working for you, chasing you, and trying to impress you.
This matters a whole lot to men because they put so much love, passion, and value into what they had to work for.
They want to see that their hard work paid off.
They love the competitive fact that you were a prize to be won, even though there were others competing for you.
He was the one who won the prize.
So if you made him eventually feel too comfortable, when for him there is nothing to prove anymore; you are not a prize to protect and fight for anymore.
Then the challenge goes out of his sails, so to speak.
The spark and excitement die and he leaves.
If you are not sure if you were the reason that he broke up with you, we want to show you a couple of ways that a woman makes a man feel too comfortable:
- She supports him and makes excuses for him too much
- She becomes too desperate and needy
- She stops having fun with him – making both of your lives interesting
- She takes all his nonsense, just accepting it all
- She follows him, waits for him, goes out of her way to be noticed by him, even though she knows he is not that into her
- She lets herself go, no longer worrying if she gets out of shape, or stays healthy, fit, and well-groomed
Why do men come back to that though – what makes them come back?
First of all, it’s not often real love that makes a man come back to you in the first place.
Usually, a man doesn’t leave a woman that he truly loves – maybe for a very short interval, but not for months.
It doesn’t take a guy many months to be away from a woman to make him realize he made a mistake, but it can take him that amount of months to figure out that there are other things that he is losing out on.
He often uses those as the pretext that he still loves you.
OK, let’s look at the 13 reasons why it might be that he comes back after months –
1) He realizes how much he misses you
Maybe life didn’t turn out quite as he expected it to.
He’s missing you because you were often with him, and you two did stuff together.
You texted him and phoned him, and even pampered him at times.
And maybe because he hasn’t been able to hook up with anybody since you and he parted, he is feeling a bit dejected and alone – he is likely to be missing you for those reasons.
He might even have realized that life hasn’t got better without you.
If you think that trying again with him could work out, why not give it a shot?
Perhaps you still love him.
Take time to think if you really want to get back together with him.
Don’t be afraid to tell him either if that’s what you want – that you prefer not to have the relationship back.
You might have decided that he is no longer the guy for you – put yourself first and answer him based on that.
2) Maybe he remembers how he treated you and he feels guilty
Yes, he might be back in town but not really to get you back.
You need to understand that.
Maybe he had time to think about your breakup and he just wants to say he’s sorry if he hurt you.
He just wants to put it right with you.
He’s had time away from you, and he’s changed for the better; he’s become a better person.
He wants to put things right with you before moving on.
You could accept his apology graciously and bid him on his way.
Or you could refuse to accept it because you were so badly hurt – it will be up to you again.
3) He broke up with you so he could play the field but it didn’t get him anywhere
He thought he would have a few flings when he was single, juggle things up and make his life exciting and sexy again.
But somehow it never came together like that.
Maybe now that he is older, he realized that even though he had a load of fun, that’s all it really was.
Deep down he discovered that he didn’t quite find what he was really looking for.
So he thought he would look you up.
He’s hoping you will give him a chance again.
That’s something you will have to think about very hard.
You need to be OK with the fact that he did play around and even slept with a few of his dates in the months away from you.
If you do decide to take him back, you won’t be able to push that in his face because you were the one willing to take him back.
You have to think about stuff like that.
4) He noticed that you have changed since he left; now he wants that ‘changed’ person in his life
Things might have changed a whole lot since you split up.
You made a few power moves.
You got over him and started focusing on yourself.
You are now on top of your game; you look good and you’ve been exercising.
He has heard how great you are doing and how you have developed since your independence.
He has heard that you are happy and thriving …. You’ve kinda left him behind.
His ego might be a bit damaged because of that – he’s excited by the new exciting woman you have become.
Remember that if you do decide to take him back, you might lose all the fantastic progress you have made over the last months.
5) His other options didn’t work out
Maybe the relationship you had with him broke up because he was cheating on you and you both went your separate ways.
How he humiliated you!
But now he is back.
It didn’t take Einstein to figure out that things between his side-chick didn’t work out and now he’s lonely again.
You have to wonder and ask yourself whether you are prepared to be his option and not his priority.
You have to figure out if he truly wants you back or are you just the second-best gal he finds someone else again.
If you do take him back, be prepared that he might be letting everybody know that you were the one who asked him to come back!
6) Maybe his friends and family told him you were the best thing for him
A few months have passed since you and he broke up, but maybe his friends and family have been telling him that he hasn’t really been the same since he broke up with you.
They reckon that you were the best thing that happened to him.
Some of them have hinted to him that he could have been married to you by now with a family.
He’s wondering whether they may be right – that he should follow their advice and try and start again.
7) He just can’t bear being on his own; he is lonely
All of us get lonely at times.
It can be when we are in such a state that we reach out again to our ex – it’s better than nothing!
And it could be all too easy to just do the easy thing and get back together again.
Maybe in his loneliness he pulled out a few photos of you and him smiling out the picture and made the decision – you are better than nothing at all – he is going to reach out to you for happier times.
And if you are lonely like him, you will want him back too, right?
He might message you before coming.
If he perceives excitement in your voice, you are going to make him feel excited, desired, and attractive again, like you used to.
You were always good at soothing his ego and comforting him.
8) He has spent time on himself, improving, and learning – He’s looking and acting great!
In this instance, this might just be the one time when he popping up on your radar again after a few months might actually be a good thing.
If he has really taken these last few months to work hard on himself to impress you, he deserves respect.
You might find him irresistible.
You might want to take this ‘new’ guy back into your life.
You have to think about two scenarios here.
Either he really did care for you and he was determined to show you that he could change for you, and now he wants to show you.
But maybe you were the one who broke up with him because of some of his actions or lifestyle habits.
Now he has changed and is coming to gloat in front of you.
He wants you to be full of regret!
If he is genuine, however, in trying to get you back, you will be the one to have to evaluate how compatible you two would be and if his change is permanent or just temporary.
9) Maybe he doesn’t want you back for a relationship, but he values your friendship
He still interested in you and cares for you; he might even really have your back because he likes you.
But that does not mean that he wants to be in a relationship again.
Maybe he realizes that he doesn’t want you out of his life though because you were someone that he valued – you have some positive attributes that still make him want to have you as a friend.
Often, your family is his friends too, and he doesn’t want to lose contact with them either.
10) He misses the sex and he thinks you will be there to comfort him
That might appear to be the case if he calls you at 2 am in the morning, sounding drunk and saying things he wouldn’t usually say when sober.
He says he is thinking of you.
After hanging up, he sends you texts that are flirty and suggest that he wants to make a booty call and are you up for it.
If you are OK with him doing that, it’s up to you.
Remember that he might be coming back to set up booty calls and sexting, but not want to start a serious relationship.
11) He’s confused about the breakup and is no longer sure what he wants
Maybe your breakup happened suddenly, out of the blue.
It’s as if your ‘bf’ took fright and just left.
Maybe it was a real messy breakup.
You tried to process it over the weeks.
It could be that during this time, he never got closure himself about the relationship and why it really ended.
He wants to move on, but he needs clarity and closure.
It’s a healthy approach and he might not necessarily want to get back together with you.
He just wants to clear the confusion; not even sure of the outcome.
You and he might realize you have both matured and learned stuff in the past few months.
So it could be that you and he would be willing to try again.
But he might only be there to clear the air and get closure from the nasty breakup and you might have decided that you would never get back together with him in any case.
12) Maybe he wants your help with something
Maybe he has discovered that in the past months you are successful and have moved on.
And because things haven’t turned out well for him, he is coming to see you for a favor.
Ask you for help.
That will be entirely up to you to decide – your decision.
Then just turn him down politely.
If you have always dreamed of getting him back, this could be an opportunity to allow him to see that you are positive towards him.
When you do help him and continue to build up positive feelings in him, he might think about wanting to get back with you again.
13) He scrolled through his contacts, saw your name, and wants to know how you’re doing – can he come to see you?
It might just be possible that he got reminded of you somehow; something he saw or the way someone said something made him think of you.
Your name is still on his contact list too, so he decided to look you up.
Why not come and see how you are doing?
Maybe all he wants to do is to catch up.
It does not mean that he wants to get back to you.
So you could be friendly and polite in his messages to you prior to his arrival.
If you do want him back, being nice to him could spark his feelings again for you to restart the relationship.
You never know!
Remember at the beginning of this article we said that men love competition.
And men like the competition of keeping their prize and fighting for it.
If you treat yourself like his prize, that’s how he will treat you, as his prize.
Sometimes a guy breaks up with a woman when she is no longer that prize to fight for; the spark and the excitement are gone.
We have given you 13 reasons why a guy who leaves a relationship decides to come back after months of being away.
You probably wondered, too, if he was coming back to rekindle the relationship again, or was it for other reasons.
Sometimes it is just a matter of both people getting back together on the same page at the right time.
Sometimes the time that you spent apart really helped to heal the wounds and to spark some good introspection.
If your guy comes back after months of being away and he has changed into a wonderful, better, matured, kind person, then it is absolutely worth your while to consider a relationship with him again – as long as you know that the change in him is going to last.
Whatever his reasons for the breakup were in the past, you would be able to see clearly that he had changed and was ready to be open and honest with you.
If your ex has contacted you after months of not hearing from him, it is going to be only your decision and your choice about what the right thing is to do for YOU.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Has my ex come back after months apart because he still loves me?
Not likely, otherwise he wouldn’t have been gone for so long if he loved you. Sometimes he could come back out of jealousy.
He has heard your life is going great, in leaps and bounds, and he feels jealous. You belonged to him once, and why hasn’t stuff gone well for him?
Maybe he has changed a lot in himself and he wants to give your relationship another go.
Do most guys come back after they have left you?
Research shows that the average amount of people do go back into a relationship after a breakup. 29% of people get back with their exes.
Others try and win their exes back. Then there are others who do get back into the relationship only for it to break up again.
How long does it take for a guy to come back after a breakup?
Well, it would depend on why he is coming back. If he realized he is still in love with you, it won’t be very long before he realizes he can’t do without you.
But sometimes guys go back for other reasons than to build a relationship.
Some just return because they have not been successful elsewhere. It could be that you could hear from an ex within six months of your relationship ending.
But the big question: should I take him back when he comes back?
That’s a question only you can answer.
There are many reasons why you should not take him back, but there could be reasons why you decide to take him back too.
Maybe you were the one that broke up the relationship. If for instance, you two broke up because of physical or emotional abuse, you would be a fool to ever take him back.