What To Do And Say To Ex After 30-Day No Contact

What to do after no contact

  • Should I text call my ex-girlfriend after no contact?
  • What should I say to my ex-boyfriend after no contact? 

Keep reading to get answers to those questions and many more…

We’re gonna cut to the chase right here because we know you are reading this – that you have been applying the 30-day no-contact rule with your ex.

You want him back but he hasn’t responded yet! – Now what?

You were expecting his white horse to come galloping up to your gate.

You have even followed the rules and not been in contact with him, not once!

But where is he?

The no-contact rule is meant to be exactly what it says it does – having absolutely zero contact with your ex after a breakup

That’s right! And you have stuck it out for 30 days and given yourself the space to decompress and consider the relationship you had.

It was your intention to heal a little bit and to start feeling better; to start making improvements to your life.

If you have thrown yourself into hobbies, self-care, chilling with friends, exercising, and doing things you love, you were taking care of your number one priority during this time, and that was you.

Doing it that way, you were establishing a healthier mindset for yourself into the future.

Now you are wondering if the no-contact rule is successful after all

Well, we all know that what you put in is what you get out, right?

So if you have been truly productive; and in this time you have worked on looking good and feeling good, you are going to have a much better chance of either getting him back if that is what you wanted.

Either that or you will move on quickly away from him.

It’s your choice.

But not hearing from him immediately after the 30-day no-contact rule [1] does not mean that your plans have failed.

It will be hard for you to know if the past 30 days have worked on your ex.

You won’t know, but let’s just show you what might have occurred, what is actually likely to have occurred on his side in the past 30 days…

1) Right at the beginning he probably felt relief:

He was actually relieved not to have heard from you.

He probably thought that he was going to be bombarded with angry insults and texts, or even messages begging for him to come back.

He is relieved that that didn’t happen; that he is off the hook – no doubt he will hear from you after you have cooled down.

2) But 2 weeks have passed and he has not heard from you:

Now he is filled with curiosity, wondering why you haven’t reached out to him yet; that’s not like the person he knew.

His curiosity will intensify as you continue the no-contact rule – he will be very curious to know if you have met someone else.

3) Now it’s his turn to be angry

We aren’t saying this is how it always happens – it depends on each relationship and each person.

Now his curiosity has built up in his head so much that it turns into a kind of anger/jealously feeling.

Sometimes by this stage, a guy just wants to rebound and go find himself a girlfriend he is feeling so rejected.

His curiosity and imagination are running wild.

He might have got himself into the rebound relationship, but this is where the bubble could easily burst.

Not only is he possibly not even happy with the new person, but he is not used to being ignored by you!

4) He becomes fearful now as the month draws to an end, fearful that he has actually lost you

This is going to cause him to finally take matters into his own hand and find out from you what you are up to, or he might just walk away.

Remember, the no-contact rule is designed to establish a healthy mentality for you which is the best way to get an ex back 

You can be assured that your ex would have been curious about you.

The no-contact rule is so effective because it gives both parties the space to be objective about the relationship that was.

There would be no purpose of breaking up, would it, if you both continued with a barrage of texts and calls, with one of you begging the other to come back, etc.?

As hard as it is, try to rather think of the first days together when you first started dating.

All that magic and excitement about finding out about each other.

The no-contact rule isn’t about how long before he calls after a breakup — it more about what you do in those 4 weeks.

It’s taking space and time off for yourself to improve yourself so that you can see the light at the end of the 30-day tunnel.

What is the success rate of the no-contact rule? 

Before we go further, it is important that you know that the no-contact rule has no doubt been working for you without you even knowing it.

Your ex could be thinking about you nonstop for all you know but hasn’t yet reached out to you.

He could be regretting his decision to end the relationship.

He will be wondering frantically what you are doing, possibly thinking of reaching out.

That would mean that the no-contact rule is working.

You just wouldn’t have a way of measuring its success in the 30 days. Find out here what the success rate of the no-contact rule is.

And yet, yes, it is possible that the no-contact rule does not work?

If your ex doesn’t contact you when the no-contact rule is over, it is probably because he is in that 5th stage we mentioned above – fear.

Fear that he thought you would bounce back and you haven’t!

He has a fear that you have actually rejected him!

He might be feeling by this time that he has made a huge mistake about losing you.

Maybe in retaliation, he decided himself to block you, and now he is angry and refuses to talk to you.

But even that is a sign that your no-contact rule has worked – your silence has driven him to take some extreme measures.

It’s not the time for you now to be spending your time wondering how long you must wait before he comes back – that is not going to be effective.

Men thrive on their strong egos; they want to believe that they are the best lovers, friends, boyfriends, and husbands.

So when you throw some silence into the equation, it’s a blow to their egos.

Your ex is churning in his mind that your silence means you are actually glad he is gone; that someone else is measuring up far better than he did – his ego is now feeling very fragile.

What to do after the 30 days no contact rule and 10 things to bear in mind 

Lady thinking

If you have really stood by the 30 days of no-contact, you have reached the stage where he is probably going to “check-in” to appease his curiosity and to see “how are you?”

Naturally, it’s the best-case scenario if he reaches out to you first.

But by this time, if you are very certain that you do want him back, then it makes sense that you would want to reach out to him.

This would be if he has not already done so and you have followed the 30-day no-contact rule.

Fortunately, there are 10 strategies to bear in mind after the 30 days have passed:

1) You can restart your no-contact period – but with a staggered approach

It’s like starting over from square one again if you haven’t heard from him.

But now you can try the staggered approach.

So after the 30-day no-contact period, you contact him.

But he does not respond.

So now you wait a week and then try again.

After trying, you notice he still hasn’t responded. Try waiting two weeks and then try again.

If you have been holding true to this “staggered approach” of no contact and 4 weeks passes without any response back from him, it might be time to admit defeat.

Because giving him four weeks to respond is a lot!

Maybe it is time to forget him and start to focus your time and energy on recovering from the relationship that was and moving on.

2) Prolonging the no-contact rule

This strategy is much the same as the one above.

But instead of doing the staggered approach method, you continue your 30 days, extending them to 45 days to get a response from your ex.

During this time, your ex ‘bf’ would have had plenty of time to miss you, and yet it is not enough time that he would just forget you and lose his feelings for you.

3) The right kind of texts to send

Around 35-45% of no-contact rules do fail because the texts or phoning after the 30 days have passed hold nothing that will entice him to want to get back with you.

Maybe at this stage, he could even believe that you are still pining over him and this is the last thing you want to get across to him after reaching out to him after the no-contact rule.

You want to show him that you have moved on, you are focusing on other things and life is going very well for you.

4) He sees you have moved on without moving on

After a breakup, a lot of women can display a very needy persona.

It’s the exact opposite of what made your boyfriend get attracted to you the first time.

But if you decided that you would move on and display yourself as truly happy, successful, and carefree, that way you might well attract your ex back.

 

  • So did you move on?
  • Or has your 30 days just been all silent and no action to improve yourself?
  • In other words, if your boyfriend does reach out to you, and you meet up again, what is he going to find?
  • Will he find the same-old-same-old that he dumped a month previously?

Get the pic?

5) Show him the positive side

This is one of the most important things for you to remember moving forward; positivity.

You don’t want to undo all the hard work you have put in over the last month.

No going back to the emotional, jealous, clingy version of yourself if that was you when he dumped you.

Now you have to show a powerful, confident person moving forward.

You need to get the message across to your ex that you are changed and that your life is all together and simply amazing!

When he sees you oozing optimism and happiness, he will wonder what made him leave you in the first place!

Imagine something like this – if it’s the truth of course!

“Hey there – you well? I’m off to Costa Rica next September and I remembered you were there a few years back. I thought I could pick your brain a bit. Is that cool with you?”

This type of text is great because it doesn’t show that you miss your ex or anything like that.

All you are doing is reaching out because you need some information from him.

And that’s it.

Remember not to send your message at weird times of the day either – make it late afternoon or early evening.

Remember only to text him once, not on and on, or demanding an answer.

6) Keeping your self-control

If you’ve been playing your cards right and your ex does respond to your text message or call, then well done!

But don’t get too excited yet at this point – don’t beg for a date with him or carry on chatting and chatting. Instead, now is the time to play it cool.

If he texts you back, don’t answer back immediately.

And if it is a bit later in the evening, text him back the next day if you like.

The message to convey here is that you aren’t desperate to talk to him, despite how you feel inside.

And be direct and friendly with your texting because you don’t want to put out feeler questions to him, finding out stuff so that he can see you still have the hots for him.

Remember to shine, and if he asks you questions let him know how well things have been going for you.

This way you will pique his interest.

You need to show him at this time that you don’t care about his love life.

Another big thing to remember is not to bring up your past relationship with him.

Keep the conversation light, fun, and happy.

7) Hopefully you will get a short meeting?

Once you’ve established this contact with your ex, if all goes well, a meeting might follow.

Maybe a short and quick coffee date is the best way to go about meeting him.

Maybe try something like; “So can I buy you some coffee and then you tell more all about Costa Rica?” “I’d totally appreciate it, and it’ll be super quick; promise.”

Or maybe you prefer your first meeting to be with some mutual friends.

You could say something like; “Hey! I’m hosting a party this Sunday afternoon… Alex and Jay will be there. Wanna come? Then you can tell me more about Costa Rica.”

This will break the tension between you and your ex.

8) Meeting your ex

Okay, this is going to be an important day.

Remember to make it a great time, without bringing up things from the past.

You’re not going to start a fight with your ex.

All you are doing is focusing on being happy and positive and making sure that your ex is having fun with you.

Talk about amazing things, like the trip you are planning, how you’re hitting the gym, or you are studying, or how well your work is going.

Your ex must realize how he is missing out on this amazing catch.

Naturally, you don’t want him to think you are trying to make him jealous, because he might think you are trying too hard and run away again.

9) Flirting

During your first meeting with your ex, you will want to subtly flirt with him, without pushing any aggression.

You just want to have fun and build the attraction with your ex again.

Some flirty tips:

  • Give him a hug for a few seconds longer than you normally would – make sure it’s meaningful and genuine.
  • Make solid eye contact with your ex at all times, no shifty-looking away.
  • Smile!
  • Don’t be nervous to touch your ex here and there in a playful, flirty way, like playfully hitting him when he makes a joke. Or try brushing up against him “accidentally.” Make sure it seems like an accident, and he doesn’t see it as an obvious play for him.
  • Don’t forget the humor, making subtle playful references to some things from your past. No hinting though! All these flirty tips will remind him of the good old days of your relationship when it was at its best. Done properly, your ex will be panting for you again!

10) Making him a bit jealous

Here a bit of clever planning and strategy will be needed to instill a bit of jealousy in your ex.

It will mean coming up with a story that lets him see you as highly sought after; maybe something at work about a colleague who keeps on asking you out or someone who won’t leave you alone that you met at a bar …. Something like that.

But you need to let your ex know that you are not sure whether you are into him anymore, leaving him wondering what kind of a chance he has again!

You can’t just come out with these stories out of the blue though.

They need to be easily woven into your coffee date with him so that he feels a sense of loss after you have left.

He will probably begin chasing you for a second date, or a phone call might come the next day!

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

What is going to happen after 30 days of no contact?

Once the 30 days have passed and your ex hasn’t reached out to you, then we have provided you with helpful tips on what you could do afterward.

Remember that if you have not heard from him after 30 days, it does not mean your attempts have failed.

Every breakup is different, and there are no written rules that say that 30 days is the cap. Some people apply the no-contact rule for even around 3 months.

Is 30 days no-contact too long?

Actually, 30-days no-contact is probably the minimum amount of time that you should allow to pass before coming into contact with your ex again.

Remember, you are going to be working on yourself, to improve yourself in these 30 days. Your ex should see a fabulous you if you do get together at the end of the 30 days.

It depends on everyone’s situation, and sometimes an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend might even decide to extend the no–contact rule for even more weeks; even a couple of months.

Whichever one did the breaking up is going to realize that the breakup is a bit different from what they expected.

What is the main attraction I can show my ex when I see him?

In the article, we have shown you some options to try to win your ex back. Maybe you want to try the staggered approach to contact your ex again.

Or maybe you want to extend the no-contact rule to 45 days; maybe in this time, you no longer feel you want to contact your ex anymore; you are no longer interested in him.

But if you are still into him, and after 30 days, you can’t wait to see him and chat to him again, remember the main thing now is to make it all positive – so that he cannot resist asking you for a first or second date!

But if I don’t contact him, won’t he just move on?

Yes, it is very possible that he will, but that is if he doesn’t hear from you for weeks or months on end, it is possible he will move on, possibly find someone else, and move on. See what you think.

It is possible that he will lose his feelings for me during the no-contact rule?

Yes, it is also possible. He will miss you in the same way he missed you when you were in the relationship, and it could have been consistently if he was the one who dropped you.

The purpose of the no-contact rule is to remove yourself from the pain and heartbreak from what might have been a toxic relationship. It will enable you to heal and move on with your life.

This time is about you and letting your ex see that you are capable of moving on without him. If he wants you back again, he will have to work hard to get this new happy, confident, woman back in his life.

Conclusion

No-contact is still the best strategy to apply if your ex has dumped you.

Maybe it was all your fault and you would love to get him back.

A lot of times, people do fail to get their exes back because they can’t keep to the 30 days of no contact.

They cut it short by still texting and even begging and pleading for their ex to take them back.

They plead, “Can’t we start over again?”

If you and your ex get back together after a breakup without applying the no-contact rule, it might work, but it might be completely unsuccessful again.

Because changes needed might well not have been discussed or made.

There is a key to getting your ex back, and that is to build attraction back again naturally.

No one wants to be ignored or blocked and blanked.

But what do you do if your ex does contact you in the no-contact period?

That doesn’t mean that you act like a jerk and you refuse to have anything to do with him.

No, you will have to use your brain now to decide whether to respond or not.

You need to understand what while the no-contact rule is useful; you need to consider the implications.

But be strong and positive because ignoring the one you love won’t be easy.

It will take real power and planning to achieve no-contact, but in the end, you will feel better for doing it – because you will have done it for yourself and your future success.

Also Read: Why Men Come Back Months Later & What To Do When He Comes Back After No Contact