151 Vampire Jokes to Sink Your Teeth Into

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Written By John Simon

John Simon is renowned for his witty and humorous content creation.

Why did the vampire subscribe to the joke newsletter?

To add a little bite to his nightly reads! Vampires, those enigmatic creatures of the night, have long fascinated us in folklore, movies, and yes, even in our jokes.

From the eerie castles of Transylvania to the modern-day high school corridors of fictional Forks, vampires have evolved from fearsome legends to beloved pop culture icons.

Whether you’re a fan of the classic bloodsucker tales or the more romanticized versions of today’s media, one thing’s for sure: vampire humor never gets old (unlike the vampires themselves!).

In this article, we’re excited to share a coffin-load of vampire jokes that promise to tickle your funny bone – no garlic or wooden stakes required.

So, grab your cape, avoid the sunlight, and get ready to laugh with 151 vampire jokes that are more entertaining than a vampire trying to use a selfie stick!

Laughing Under the Moonlight: A Compendium of Vampire Humor

Classic Vampire Jokes

1) Why don’t vampires have many friends? Because they are a pain in the neck!

2) What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A necktarine!

3) Why did the vampire read the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation!

4) What type of dog does every vampire have? A bloodhound!

5) What is a vampire’s favorite holiday? Fangsgiving!

6) Why did the vampire become a vegetarian? He heard it was good for the blood!

7) What did the vampire say after seeing Twilight? It was love at first bite!

8) What kind of boat do vampires travel in? Blood vessels!

9) Why was the vampire artist famous? He was great at drawing blood!

10) Why don’t vampires like arguments? They don’t want to cross words!

11) What’s a vampire’s least favorite meal? A stake dinner!

12) What’s a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor? Vein-illa!

13) Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist? To improve his bite!

14) What do vampires take when they are sick? Coffin drops!

15) What is a vampire’s favorite dance move? The Fang-Dango!

Modern Twists on Vampire Humor

16) Why did the hipster vampire only drink artisanal blood? He couldn’t stand the mainstream!

17) What do you call a vampire with AI technology? A byte-sucker!

18) Why did the vampire join Instagram? He wanted to gain more followers than Dracula!

19) What’s a millennial vampire’s favorite app? Snap-Drac!

20) Why did the vampire subscribe to Netflix? He heard they have great streaming… blood!

21) What do vampires play on their smartphones? Bite Crush!

22) Why don’t vampires use smartphones? Too many dead zones!

23) What’s a vampire’s favorite social media platform? Fangbook!

24) What do young vampires do on a Friday night? They go out clubbing, but only after sunset!

25) How do vampires keep up with technology? They always stay on the bleeding edge!

26) Why was the vampire a good internet user? He never forgot to log off at dawn!

27) What do you call a vampire who lives in Silicon Valley? A tech-sucker!

28) Why did the vampire invest in Bitcoin? He heard it was a blood bank!

29) What’s a vampire’s favorite part of a computer? The byte!

30) Why are vampires great at Twitter? They always follow back!

31) Why did the vampire quit playing sports? He was always getting benched at sunrise!

32) What do you call a vampire in a raincoat? Mac-ula!

33) Why don’t vampires trust banks? They only deal in blood money!

34) What’s a vampire’s favorite coffee? Decoffinated!

35) Why did the vampire join the circus? He wanted to be a part of the freak fang-tastic!

36) What do vampires say when they take a selfie? Fangs for the memories!

37) Why do vampires seem so easy-going? Because they are creatures of the night, not fighters!

38) What’s a vampire’s favorite shampoo? Head & Shoulders, because it’s no more flaky scalps!

39) How do vampires get around on Halloween? On blood cycles!

40) What’s a vampire’s favorite street? A dead end!

41) Why do vampires always carry mints? Because of their bat breath!

42) What kind of music do vampires hate? Stake music!

43) Why did the vampire go to art class? To learn how to draw blood!

44) What did the vampire say to the dentist? Fang you very much!

45) Why don’t vampires do well in school? They can’t stand the light of day!

46) What’s a vampire’s favorite candy? Neck-o Wafers!

47) Why was the vampire a good comedian? He had a biting sense of humor!

48) What’s a vampire’s favorite kitchen utensil? A blood blender!

49) Why do vampires always win races? They’re dead fast!

50) What do you call a vampire’s mistakes? Bite blunders!

51) Why was the vampire a good gardener? He had a green fang!

52) What’s a vampire’s favorite mode of transportation? A bloodmobile!

53) Why did the vampire avoid the bar? He couldn’t handle the spirits!

54) What do you call a vampire in the Arctic? Frostbite!

55) Why don’t vampires get married? They think it’s a grave commitment!

56) What do vampires take to the beach? Blood light sunscreen!

57) Why did the vampire start a blog? To give his bite-sized thoughts!

58) What do you call a lazy vampire? A sleepfang!

59) Why are vampires like false teeth? They both come out at night!

60) What’s a vampire’s favorite bean? A human bean!

61) Why don’t vampires use silverware? They prefer their food vein!

62) What did the vampire say to the mirror? Nothing, he couldn’t see himself!

63) Why was the vampire always calm? He knew how to not lose his temper-ature!

64) Why did the vampire fail his driving test? He couldn’t see the reflection in the mirror!

65) What’s a vampire’s favorite sport? Batminton!

66) Why did the vampire go to the doctor? He was coffin too much!

67) What did the vampire say to his therapist? I feel empty inside!

68) Why do vampires avoid clowns? They taste funny!

69) What’s a vampire’s favorite cleaning tool? A dustpan and brush!

70) Why did the vampire write a book? He wanted to tell his side of the story!

71) What do vampires eat for breakfast? Blood orange juice and scrambled screams!

72) Why did the vampire get a job at the blood bank? To save for his future!

73) What’s a vampire’s favorite type of story? A bite-sized tale!

74) Why do vampires love rainy nights? Perfect weather for blood puddles!

75) Why was the vampire a good actor? He knew how to take a bite out of his roles!

76) What do you call a vampire with a cold? A sniffing vampire!

77) Why did the vampire refuse to play cards? Someone was dealing from the bottom of the deck!

78) What’s a vampire’s favorite fast food? A bite burger!

79) Why did the vampire lose his job? He couldn’t work the graveyard shift!

80) What did the vampire say at the party? Let’s have a bloody good time!

81) Why don’t vampires like fast food? It’s too quick to catch!

82) What’s a vampire’s favorite instrument? The organ!

83) Why did the vampire join the choir? He had a great high bite!

84) What do vampires fear the most? Tooth decay!

85) Why did the vampire start a diary? To have a friend to talk to during the long nights!

86) What’s a vampire’s favorite kitchen appliance? A blood pressure cooker!

87) Why are vampires so well read? They love to sink their teeth into a good book!

88) What’s a vampire’s favorite type of cheese? Feta-ral blood!

89) Why don’t vampires use napkins? They like to be a little messy!

90) What did the vampire say to his son? You’re just my blood type!

Vampire Jokes for Kids

91) What do you call a vampire that can lift cars? Jack-ula!

92) What’s a vampire’s favorite part of the school day? Recess, because they get to play in the bat-yard!

93) What game do young vampires love to play at parties? Hide and Shriek!

94) Why did the little vampire get in trouble at school? For biting his classmate!

95) What do baby vampires wear to bed? Diapers!

96) Why are vampires bad at spelling? Because they always turn ‘C’ into a ‘K’!

97) What’s a vampire’s favorite animal at the zoo? The bat, of course!

98) How do vampires start their letters? “Tomb it may concern…”

99) What’s a vampire’s least favorite food? Steak!

100) What did the vampire say to his teacher? “I’ll just have a bite of my homework!”

101) Why don’t vampires play hide and seek with bats? They always hang around!

102) What’s a vampire’s favorite toy? A Bat-mobile!

103) Why did the vampire bring a ladder to the baseball game? He heard the bats were up!

104) What did the vampire say during the math test? “This is blood-curdling difficult!”

105) What kind of boat do little vampires love? Blood vessels!

106) Why did the young vampire like snow days? He loved frostbites!

107) What’s a vampire’s favorite part of the joke? The punchline!

108) Why did the vampire go to the doctor? He felt a little batty!

109) What’s a vampire’s favorite snack? Blood oranges!

110) Why did the vampire refuse to bite people? He had a soft fang!

111) What’s a vampire’s favorite candy? Sucker!

112) How do young vampires start a race? “Ready, set, goth!”

113) What did the vampire say to his son before school? “Have a fang-tastic day!”

114) Why did the vampire like astronomy? He wanted to see the twilight!

115) What’s a young vampire’s favorite subject in school? History, because it’s full of old bites!

116) Why don’t young vampires tell secrets in the attic? The bats might hear!

117) What’s a vampire’s favorite playground game? Bat-minton!

118) Why did the vampire eat candy? He needed a sugar fang!

119) What do young vampires draw with? Cray-oolas!

120) What do vampire kids eat for breakfast? Count Chocula cereal!

The Role of Vampires in Comedy

121) Why are vampires in comedies always well-dressed? Because they have to look biting!

122) What’s a vampire’s favorite sitcom? “The Big Fang Theory!”

123) Why did the vampire win the comedy award? He was dead funny!

124) What do vampires find amusing? Things that are vein-ly funny!

125) Why don’t vampires make good comedians? Their humor is always in vein!

126) What do vampires watch for a laugh? “Saturday Night Live Forever!”

127) Why was the vampire comedian a hit? He had a sharp wit!

128) What’s a vampire’s favorite comedy movie? “Fang-tastic Mr. Fox!”

129) Why did the vampire go to the comedy club? For a bite of fun!

130) What’s a vampire’s favorite comedy act? A stand-up bite!

131) Why do vampires love comedy shows? They enjoy the light-hearted darkness!

132) What did the vampire comedian say at the end of his show? “Thanks for hanging around!”

133) Why was the vampire’s comedy sketch a hit? It had a killer punchline!

134) What’s a vampire’s favorite funny book? “Dracula’s Laughing Matter!”

135) Why did the vampire star in a sitcom? To show his lighter side!

136) What do vampires find most humorous? Bat jokes!

137) Why did the vampire join an improv group? He was great at thinking on his feet!

138) What’s a vampire’s favorite comic strip? “Calvin and Hobbes – The Night Adventures!”

139) Why did the vampire write a comedy script? He wanted to show his fang-tastic humor!

140) What do vampires call a funny movie? A coffin buster!

141) Why did the vampire love slapstick comedy? It was love at first slap!

142) What’s a vampire’s favorite comedy channel? Fang Central!

143) Why was the vampire a popular comedian? He knew how to play the crowd like a baton!

144) What’s a vampire’s favorite punchline? “It’s a matter of laugh and death!”

145) Why did the vampire become a stand-up comedian? To show his fang-tastic timing!

146) What’s a vampire’s favorite parody song? “Bat out of Hell!”

147) Why don’t vampires do comedy in daylight? The jokes might fall flat!

148) What’s a vampire’s preferred style of comedy? Biting satire!

149) Why did the vampire host a comedy show? To add some bite to the night!

150) What’s a vampire’s favorite joke? One that has a real bite to it!

151) Why did the vampire love improv? Because every night was unpredictable!


As the sun sets on our compendium of 151 vampire jokes, it’s clear that the charm of vampire humor transcends time and age.

We journeyed from the crypts of classic vampire jokes to the modern-day quips that reflect our current culture, not forgetting the giggles suitable for the little vampires in training.

Vampires, in their many forms, have always captured our imagination, and their presence in comedy is no exception.

Whether these jokes find you at a Halloween party, a family gathering, or simply in need of a quick chuckle, remember that a good laugh is just a vampire joke away.

So, the next time you hear a mysterious creak in the night or see a shadow flit past your window, maybe it’s just a friendly vampire with a joke to share!

Got a vampire joke that we missed? Or maybe one that you conjured up yourself? Share your fang-tastic humor in the comments below and keep the laughter alive.

And don’t forget to share this article with your friends who appreciate a good dose of vampire comedy. Who knows, you might just make their night a little more bite-ful!