In order to understand it, you have to first understand the meaning of ‘hero’.
In movies and TV shows, you’ll find plenty of male characters that fall under the category of hero. Usually, heroes are characters who save other people.
They are fearless, powerful, and full of integrity.
They are also often the story’s primary character and always have a woman they care about. For example, Superman has Lois Lane, Spider-man has Mary Jane, and so on.
Heroes love saving cities and impressing their leading ladies.
They win females over their “heroic” deeds.
According to Bauer, all men desire this.
It’s more than just wishful thinking, it’s biology and psychology combined.
Just like women want to feel wanted all the time, men want to feel needed.
According to the hero instinct, men are driven by three basic things in life:
Appreciation for his efforts
Accomplishing his role as a provider
Respect by those around him
All men want to live a meaningful life. They want to feel appreciated.
They also want to be the one to “provide” for his family—especially to the one he loves.
If you’ve known any man in your life, your father, brother, or partner, you’ll know that all this is true.
These things are also universal.
In summary, men want to be heroes and this desire is deeply rooted in their psyche.
Why Does Your Man Want To Be Your Hero?
When a man falls head over heels, he becomes protective of you.
This is a natural trait for them.
What it means
What this means is that he’ll always be there when you need him. When you’re in trouble, he will rush to help.
When someone’s angering you or hurting you, he’ll protect you at whatever cost. He will literally take a bullet for you if he could save your life.
He’s not doing this because he’s crazy about you, no, he just can’t help it. It’s part of his biology.
Most men are afraid to admit that they love a woman, but you can always tell from his actions.
If you’re looking for clues, simply study his behaviors.
The way he looks at you, the words he uses to address you, the way he acts around you, the way he holds you.
If he’s trying to be your hero, 100% he’s in love with you.
Men show it in the simplest gestures, and if you’re not paying attention, you’ll not know it.
This can also be explained by science.
Recent findings from the Physiology & Behavior Journal show that male’s testosterone is responsible for feelings of overprotectiveness among men.
A man that’s in love with a woman will care about her safety and well-being, and do all he can to protect her.
Who is James Bauer?
James Bauer coined the term ‘the hero instinct’ and first introduced it in his best-selling book, His Secret Obsession.
James Bauer is a leading relationship expert and psychologist who has helped thousands of men and women fix their relationship.
He has published numerous books, some of the popular ones are His Secret Obsession and What Men Secretly Want.
By studying his clients’ relationships and learning about male psychology, he discovered what he believes is the secret to a fulfilling relationship: awakening the hero instinct in men.
How Does Knowing The Hero Instinct Help You? My Advice To Women
Women are naturally good at being caretakers.
They are selfless, caring, and loving creatures who can read emotions better than their male counterparts.
As a woman, it should be easy for you to make a man feel empowered and needed.
It will be very easy to trigger his hero instinct should you want to do it.
If you’re a woman who has a partner or who is attracted to a guy, you can trigger his hero instinct by making him feel like he’s irreplaceable.
That he’s essential to your life. That you want and need him.
This doesn’t mean that he’ll see you as weak. On the contrary, he’ll be more attracted to you and will want to be the ‘hero’ you are seeking.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should be always dependent on your man. Your partner will respect you when you show independence.
He’ll also appreciate it when you can do some things on your own. But don’t make him feel like you don’t need him.
He will seek the urge to help you and do something for you in any way that he can.
Don’t push him when he does this, instead, embrace him with open arms.
Men simply want to be trusted.
They want to be the ropes that’ll hold you. You have to let him be.
A man who is in a relationship where his hero instinct isn’t triggered is also more likely to leave.
If he feels like he can’t provide you the things you want, or if you’re losing your dependence on him.
He’ll start to lose his interest in you.
My Honest Opinion About The Hero Instinct
Here’s my honest take on the ‘hero instinct’ concept.
First, I find it totally relatable. I see it in myself and I think it’s 100% TRUE.
Although I don’t say it, I feel that I have the same drive for meaning, respect, and to provide for my loved ones, especially my partner.
I want to use my skills, knowledge, and experience to make life better for the people I care about. I know deep in my heart that I do.
This is coming from me, your ‘not so average man’.
I say this because, unlike other males, I have a strong love for psychology, spirituality, and philosophy.
I am drawn to books and ideas that make us understand ourselves, and our society more.
I’m not a stereotypical male who likes watching sports or drinking with his mates. I don’t know how to repair stuff in the house or change tires when my car has a flat one.
I just didn’t have the interest to learn that skill or have the opportunity to be forced to learn it.
But when it comes to my relationship and my partner, I’m just like all the other males: I want to be her hero.
I would even say that if she can’t trigger my hero instinct every once in a while, I’d probably feel inadequate.
Our whole relationship would be in jeopardy.
So, I totally believe in the concept. It’s not an exaggeration.
All men have the same primal instinct to protect and provide for the woman they care about.
Does the Hero Instinct Still Exist in Modern Age?
Modernity has changed nothing about our primal instinct.
It may affect it but in terms of the hero instinct. I can say that it’s there, and it’s truly present.
In 2020 where most gender stereotypes are considered outdated, the hero instinct might seem ridiculous.
But that’s where we’re making a mistake.
Despite the increasing independence of women from men, the hero instinct is still hardwired in us.
We still want to provide, protect, and feel respected by the people we care about.
Although there’s nothing wrong about gender equality, it’s also important to consider that there are still biological differences between male and female—not just in our bodies but also in the way we think, in our psyches.
Our way of living may have changed and many women are as capable as men in looking after themselves, but there are still these biological instincts within us that explain most of our behaviors.
Men are still driven by the same primal instincts that our ancestors once had, even if they’re not conscious of these instincts.
For centuries, we’ve wanted our mates to desire us and to need us. We want to provide them with safety, security, and satisfaction.
Women have also wanted men to protect them. And men see themselves as protectors.
How To Trigger Your Man’s Hero Instinct
In this modern age, you can’t trigger your man’s hero instinct by asking for protection from wild animals or neighboring enemy tribes.
Modern problems require modern solutions.
In this part, I’ll discuss how you can make your man feel like a hero in the age of technology:
First, the most obvious way is by giving him the opportunity to work hard and provide financially for your family or if you’re just a couple, to provide for you.
Let him present you with gifts if he wants to.
If he’s your husband, give him the honors of buying your family basic essentials such as home and food.
However, your man also needs to feel like a hero every day, not just occasionally, but every day.
Here are the best ways you can trigger your man’s hero instinct:
Ask for his help. Ask him to fix something in your home. Perhaps it’s your television, your computer, or one of your shelves. Sometimes, it doesn’t even have to be an object. if you have a problem in life and you need advice, ask your man for help. The thing here is he wants to be useful to you. He wants you to genuinely need him.
Show that you appreciate him. Don’t forget to tell him how much he means to you. When he helps you with something, give him appreciation. Tell him how much he did a good job or just a simple phrase like “What would I do without you?” would suffice.
Boost his confidence. The worst you can do is belittle him in front of other people. A man’s ego can be fragile when the people he cares about most is putting him down around others.
Show and tell him that he’s making you happy. Let him know how much he’s making your life easier. Thank him for the food on the table, for the roof over your head. Thank him every day whenever he does something that genuinely makes you smile.
Let him enjoy and pursue his passions. Yes, the hero instinct is all about making a woman happy but it doesn’t mean that you make his life revolve around you. Allow him to enjoy and pursue other things. Encourage him to do what he loves doing. Listen whenever he talks to you about it.
The truth about men is that they care less about your looks or your fortune, he cares more about how you make him feel about himself whenever he’s around you.
At the end of the day, you want your man to know that you need him, respect him, and appreciate every good thing he does for you.
Don’t go overboard and pretend to ask his help for something you can do on your own.
Don’t purposely act weak or pretend to be someone you’re not.
The lesson here is to simply allow your man to feel like a hero every time he’s with you.
It’s all they truly want and desire in their life.
If you do this you can make a man feel a gazillion times better about himself.
He’ll also go crazy about you, fall in love twice, and you’ll both have a splendid and fulfilling relationship.