Why Does He Keep You Around If He Doesn’t Want a Relationship With You?

He Doesn't Want Relationship With You

  • If a guy says he likes you but doesn’t want a relationship, what should you do? 
  • What are the signs he likes you but doesn’t want a relationship? 

You’ll get answers to these questions and many more…

So let’s dive right in…

Most people know full well what it feels like to be romantically rejected.

That sting, that humiliation, the anger that arises as they usher those words, “I like you a lot, but I don’t want a relationship with you.”

Ouch! And ouch again!

After all, you met this guy a couple of weeks back now and you are always in each other’s pockets.

You knew the moment you met him that you ‘clicked.’

You two have had such a blast together as well.

You text each other every day and you miss this guy when you are not with him.

In just a few weeks you have found yourself getting pretty attached to him too, and you have obviously believed that soon he was going to ask if you could be a couple.

After all, that’s what two people who are attracted to each do, don’t they?; start a relationship!

But instead, you heard those other words and how deeply they cut!

What Will I Learn?

You thought it was the real deal, and now you are left to ‘deal with it’

Naturally, you are all sad and disappointed, cut up in fact.

Don’t give up – there is a Mr. Right for you.

We are going to give you 17 signs to look out for that show you that even though a guy might like you and enjoy spending time with you, he might not the right guy for you.

He might be saying and doing things that show he is not into you at all, and maybe you just didn’t recognize the signs.

Sometimes a guy does give the right kind of signs but still doesn’t do anything about it

As far as guys go, they deal with a crush on a girl in two ways.

Either the guy will make a bold move, telling you he likes you instantly or he will no doubt do it a couple of days later or so.

Or else he will wait patiently and work his courage up to make sure he asks the girl out at the right moment when he hopes she won’t decline him.

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17 Reasons/Signs He Doesn’t Want a Relationship With You

Guy consoling sad girl

1) Sees and Treats You as His Buddy

Has he been flirting wildly with you over these past few weeks, or just treating you as his buddy?

You haven’t heard any hints that he really likes you.

Lots of girls assume that if they just batter their eyelids at a guy and smile that that will win him over, but to guys, there are many enticing invitation wiles!

2) He is intimidated by you

Maybe you haven’t noticed that he has been looking at you and trying to catch your eye.

Maybe there were those times that he walked up to you as if he wanted to talk to you and then didn’t.

You might think you are warm and friendly but he might see you as someone who expects to be handled with kid gloves as if he needs an invitation to talk to you.

3) Already taken

Maybe when all is said and done, he is already taken!

Meaning that he has a girlfriend somewhere and he is playing the field with you or he is even married!

Probably he likes the attention he gets from you and might believe he will easily seduce you and keep you on the side.

4) Nervousness

Sometimes guys are nervous because they might feel everything about the girl makes her too good for them.

Maybe you’re better educated, better off financially, better looking – all those things can make a guy feel scared to flirt, and he holds back.

Maybe he is waiting for more ‘positive’ vibes from you to take the pressure off him.

5) You Mean Much to Him as a Friend

Maybe you mean much to him as a friend and he thinks if it got into a serious relationship, he could lose you or things could change.

He might love only the platonic side of the relationship.

6) He’s Kinda Afraid You’re Taken

Maybe it is you that is taken or maybe that’s what he believes.

He might have heard somewhere that you have been seen with someone else.

He flirts with you to show you he likes you, but he doesn’t ask you out.

If you like him you would have to subtly let him know that you are actually available to him.

7) He’s Shy and Reserved

He might be a shy reserved type even in these modern non-conservative times.

So he kind of likes you from afar, but doesn’t make any moves to talk to you or approach you.

If you like him and would like to get to know him, you could drop a few hints to him, giving him the reassurance to make a move.

8) You are Way Too Easy For Him

Lots of guys say they don’t like it when girls play hard to get but in the same breath, if you come across as desperate and very easy, they might just think you just allow guys to walk all over you.

Some guys too, if they can see you are very into them, they won’t make the effort to do any pursuing.

9) He Loves to Flirt

He loves flirting with lots of girls, and you might just be one of them, so he has no intention of taking it forward with you in particular.

He likes you, but he’s not interested in dating you; you are not the kind of girl he’s actually looking for – he might even use you as a backup type of girl occasionally.

10) He Kind of Thinks He is Dating You, In His Head

 Plenty of people have seen you two together, and assume as does he, that you are together already.

He hasn’t named the relationship yet.

He doesn’t realize that what you want to hear are words of assurance that you are his and he is yours.

If you feel this is a dilemma for you, you will need to somehow get to him say the words out loud.

Perhaps you are not even seeing any signs that he actually fancies you.

11) He’s Just Looking For A Fling

Which means he might be a player.

You might well have hinted to him that you like him but he avoids that kind of conversation even though he is touchy-flirty with you.

If he is doing that but doesn’t want to talk about a serious commitment or relationship so that you know where you stand, he could well be someone who views you like the occasional back-up or one-night stand occasionally.

12) He Might Be Waiting For You to Ask Him Out

To some, this might sound silly, but women today are much more liberated than back in the day.

Many are super independent and go after what they want today and that includes guys too.

Maybe your guy has been asked out by other women in the past, and he might think you might do the same!

13) He Is Playing Hard to Get

He might know you like him a whole lot because you have sent him signs that you do.

Now he is waiting to see if you do anything further and watching to see if you try really hard to win him over.

He might just want to keep the relationship really casual so he can make up his mind.

He might know that anytime he wants and decides to turn it into a real relationship, you will come running.

14) He is waiting for the right moment

He thinks there is a right moment and a right place.

He is waiting for that romantic time to tell you he is head over hills for you.

Naturally, you might be wondering when that right moment will be but only he will know that – give him some opportunities and some alone time so that he does find the right moment.

15) You Are The Forever Flirting One

There are heaps of girls who like to flirt, and some of them do this with every potential guy they like.

If a guy who likes you learns that you are a serious flirt with a lot of guys, he might leave off being serious with you.

This is because he won’t be sure about your sincerity or your feelings towards him.

16) He has commitment issues

He hasn’t ever really been in a serious relationship with a girl before and he is scared about getting tied down by a girl.

So he might well like you but has a fear of committing and therefore bottles up his feelings.

17) Busy, Busy, Busy

You invite him out and he always says things like, let me check if I’m going to be busy on that day,’ or ‘I’ll let you know tomorrow, OK?’ – That type of thing.

If he is doing that, take it that he is not that into you.

He is probably playing for time, waiting for the “right” invite to come in from another ‘bae’.

He might even cancel your ‘date’ right at the last minute as well.

These are only 17; we haven’t got space to discuss more, so we will just mention some more – lookout for these as well:

Other Signs

  • You contact him, but he hardly ever contacts you first.
  • He makes you wait to get responses to his messages.
  • He blows hot and cold, like one minute he appears interested in you, and the next day he makes excuses not to be with you.
  • You are the one making the plans; he hardly ever thinks up things he knows you might enjoy.
  • He never seems jealous: Look, you don’t want a jealous possessive type but a bit of jealousy where you can see it’s because he likes you is a good sign!
  • You don’t get his full attention: He is forever keeping an eye on his phone or trying to make eye contact with the pretty waitress.
  • He doesn’t introduce you to his family or friends.
  • You can’t remember anything really nice he did for you.
  • You don’t really know anything about him and he doesn’t know anything much about you. He isn’t one bit interested in finding out about you; it’s all about him.
  • You wouldn’t be able to turn to him for help if you needed it.
  • He is more interested in getting into your pants and his conversations revolve around this aim.
  • He makes you feel that you wanting a relationship is wrong.
  • Your parents and friends have warned you about him.
  • He gets nervous when you are around his phone or looking at it with him.
  • He often talks about his ex.
  • He might be benefiting financially from you and you are the one always picking up the tabs.

A guy isn’t being deceptive with you if he warned you right at the beginning he didn’t want a relationship

It’s important for you to recognize the classic signs of being taken for a ride; being taken advantage of in a relationship by a guy.

There are ways to figure out if someone is taking advantage of you and it’s extremely important that you take heed of them.

Don’t pretend you don’t know about it and try and create something that doesn’t really exist.

There are honest guys who will say right at the start of your ‘friendship’ that they don’t want a relationship.

They might act like they do want one so it will be up to you to decide which way you want to take it.

You can either walk away if you are not happy or carry on –  just know, a guy isn’t being deceptive with you if he is upfront with you about not wanting a relationship right at the start.

You need to listen carefully to what he says.

If you feel you are being used, you need to talk to him about your feelings

If you are in a relationship or believe you are in one where you are being used, you need to talk to your guy about your feelings. 

You could allow him to correct the issues that you have with him – he will change if he wants to.

But if he just disregards your wanting to talk to him, then it is really time for you to move on.

Of course, it might be very difficult to move on; particularly if you are emotionally invested in the relationship.

 If you have low self-esteem or lack self-care, it can also make it difficult to walk away, even from a toxic relationship.

Often professional counseling can help you cope with these types of challenges.

That’s a positive step towards your self-healing.

It also preserves your emotional and mental well-being.

Why give him the benefits, comfort, and security of a real relationship when he won’t do it for you?

It sounds confusing, doesn’t it?

Why wouldn’t a guy want a relationship with you when you get on so well and are such good friends?

It doesn’t make sense for many girls who want to get to the point of being a real girlfriend; perhaps taking things to the next level.

Perhaps the guy did let you know right at the beginning that he was not looking for a relationship.

Then it’s up to you to decide where you will go with it, and not the guy; he has already said where you stand.

It will be up to you to carry on as friends only, or friends with benefits.

Or else you can walk away because you want to be in a relationship with a title.

Sometimes it’s hard to understand because the guy might even make you feel like you are in a relationship, but he never says you are in one, much less calls you his girlfriend.

Why won’t he make you an official girlfriend and stop sending out so many mixed signals?

Move on before he moves away into the arms of someone else

You might have to figure out what his actions are really saying to you.

He might only be after the benefits and comfort of a friends-with-benefits ‘relationship’…

…the companionship, sex, someone to talk to when he is down, use you as a back-up when he needs a female companion – just no commitment.

Unfortunately, it is up to you, this one.

You will have to realize, sometimes sooner than later, that if this guy isn’t prepared to officially make you his girlfriend, the harsh reality is that he is enjoying the benefits you are offering because you are giving it.

If he has told you right at the beginning he is not looking for a relationship, this decision of his should not be confused by you believing that he is holding out to secretly make you his own one of these days.

It is best not to hold onto any false hope and be willing to hold on to this guy in case he changes when actually, he is not prepared to make you his investment.

If he made it clear in the beginning that he was not interested in a relationship with you, you need to also be clear with him on what you are willing to accept.

Shame, don’t wait for better days when you can burst the bubble now and come down to earth to face reality.

Do you know what that will do?

That will open your eyes to the other amazing guys that are around you; ones that will want to make a commitment to you if you are the right one for them.

Let this be your wake-up call.

It might sound like tough love to you.

But why should you be the one analyzing his text messages, trying to figure out what his next move is going to be?

Frequently Asked Questions(FAQs)

Why doesn’t a guy I go out with want to label our relationship?

When a guy you are going out with doesn’t want to get into a relationship with you, see it as a red flag.

He might well be keeping his options open because he is dating others; he might be keeping you ‘handy’ for sex or for when he can’t find another date.

We have given you many reasons above why he might not want to commit.

Is it important to have that title in a relationship?

The answer is yes and no. Yes, if you have communicated your feelings, that you want a long-term relationship, and you want to be a girlfriend or a boyfriend to the person you have feelings for.

Then the title does matter. But if you and he by mutual consent are “friends with benefits” to each other, then it is not necessary to label it as either boyfriend or girlfriend.

You couldn’t get angry and jealous if he or she is involved with other people. If the relationship has no title, then it means both of you are okay with things remaining casual.

You just need to realize that it can be a good excuse for the friend to be seeing other people as well.

You need to speak openly and honestly about how you feel with each other.

What must I do if he likes me, but he doesn’t want a relationship?

If a guy says he likes you but doesn’t want to pursue a relationship; it can definitely be for personal reasons, which he might explain to you.

But in a lot of cases, sometimes you have to realize that the guy might not like you as much as he claims to like you. But there are other reasons too – see above – maybe he is just plain ordinary scared of commitment!

Still, bottom line, if he wanted to be in a relationship with you, he would make it happen.

Just remember this; you don’t have to continue in a relationship where you feel you are getting nothing that you want out of it.

If you feel frustrated and insecure because there is not a title to your relationship, it is probably in your best interests to walk away and save yourself the heartache and maybe even being made a fool of.

Can you still be in a relationship without a title?

If a guy does act like a boyfriend and he is receiving all the benefits of being a boyfriend, but he has not put a title to it; not asking you to be in a relationship with him, you are probably not in a relationship at all, certainly not an exclusive one.

There are lots of reasons as shown above why this could be the case – that is why it is vital to talk to your partner about this and be on the same page about where you are going in this relationship to avoid being heartbroken into the future.

How long should I wait before my boyfriend label our friendship or make it official?

That will depend a lot on you and your boyfriend and the type of relationship you have - you will know how comfortable you are with each other and when the right moment will be.

There are some couples who slide naturally into a relationship without even really having to talk about it or label it.

For some other couples getting to know each other takes a bit longer and it might be a couple of months before they become official.

Can guys and gals be just platonic friends without any sex included?

Research has actually been carried out on this very topic – there is no definite answer and much debate.

Psychology Today says that friendship between men and women is not impossible. It will, however, require finding friendship goals that match your own with clear communication.

They say that if you do desire to be "just friends," it might be better to choose friends who are already in a romantic relationship because that way you can have a satisfying chat, be a good friend, and there is no frustration!


It is up to you whether you will accept ‘only friendship’ from a guy you have feelings for.

You have been going out with him for some time, but he never acts like he is falling for you.

Will you accept it or will you walk away?

Above we have listed many reasons why a guy will not commit to a girl.

Maybe you are unhappy with this and you don’t even know whether happiness and commitment will eventually come.

There is someone out there who will respond back with the love you give them.

If you do walk away from this ‘friendship,’ first, take some time to love yourself afresh, make yourself happy, independent, care-free, and positive; an un-needy woman, and see how far that can take you!

Maybe before you know it, you might become someone’s babe, for keeps, because he pursued you no end until you said yes!

The guy who is the one for you won’t have to sort out his feelings for you.

He will know what his feelings are and pursue you till he has that title added to the relationship – girlfriend, and boyfriend!

In the meantime, enjoy being unattached and carefree, because remember, you should…

“Never allow someone to be your priority while you allow yourself to be their option!”