Ouch! So your husband has walked out on your marriage and you are devastated!
You are wondering why he did that; you are trying to wrack your brains as to what could be the reason.
The thing is you still love him and now you want to desperately get him back!
You are wondering if this will ever be possible and how on earth do you go about it.
What Will I Learn?
- Why did my husband leave me?
- 1) He no longer feels appreciated
- 2) Excitement is Gone
- 3) Finances and spending are big issues
- 4) Someone in the marriage cheated
- 5) You two have nothing in common anymore
- 6) He no longer felt adequate
- 7) Sex flew out the window and it was boring whenever it did happen
- 8) Needs Like empathy and emotional security aren’t met
- 9) Having kids and marital responsibilities took their toll on the relationship faster than he ever dreamed
- 10) Personal changes have occurred
- 11) No more value being added to his life
- My Husband Left Me and I Still Love Him – What You Should Do
- 1) Don’t revenge him for the betrayal
- 2) Start getting happy despite your circumstances
- 3) No long sermons anymore – keep it short
- 4) Give him space to talk by listening
- 5) Time to clean up your own act if you want your husband back
- 6) Being pleased when he does make any gestures towards you
- 7) Don’t forget to say thank you
- 8) Forget about the marriage counseling now
- 9) Smiling seals many a deal
- 10) Don’t sit on the fence – stay committed
- 11) Flirt with him at the right times…
- Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
- Is there hope for me that my husband will come back again?
- Are there good percentages of married couples who get back together again after one of the spouses walks out on the marriage?
- Can my husband feel love for me again and want to start over again?
- Can you tell if a breakup or walking out is final?
- Does it mean the marriage is finished when there is separation?
Why did my husband leave me?
There are reasons a man walks out on a marriage
In fact, it takes quite a bit of bravery for a man to walk out on a marriage.
Often, he leaves behind children who dote on him, pets that he adores, and years of input and building up a life with his wife and family – now he is walking out.
What makes a guy do such a thing?
Maybe you are wondering why.
So let’s look briefly at a few reasons why a guy leaves a marriage:
1) He no longer feels appreciated
Firstly, he no longer feels appreciated anymore by any of the family members.
Because of that, he becomes resentful. The last thing he feels like is doling out love.
2) Excitement is Gone
If you’ve been married for many years life, tends to get into a boring routine.
Sometimes each partner has got into a rut; they don’t even bother to organize holidays or fun activities anymore.
Maybe your husband needed some loving excitement again; some fun distractions to liven things up for him; whatever the distraction could be.
3) Finances and spending are big issues
Men in therapy will often say it’s their partner’s poor decisions about money that drove them to leave.
They feel like they are taken for granted.
4) Someone in the marriage cheated
Infidelity is a huge crisis and problem in a marriage.
Usually, there are a few reasons why people start cheating in a marriage, but you can be sure there is unhappiness; needs that weren’t being met in the marriage.
5) You two have nothing in common anymore
Lots of times both men and women expect their spouse to be the same person they married years previously.
But you have to grow together as you age, or you run the risk of growing apart.
Sometimes what seems to be mundane and insignificant differences can cause one of the spouses to start feeling disrespected, unloved, and no longer on the same wavelength.
6) He no longer felt adequate
Many men who are unhappy in their marriage will say in therapy that they feel inadequate, they have a fear that they are no longer measuring up in their partner’s eyes.
The more his wife criticizes him the more inadequate he feels.
7) Sex flew out the window and it was boring whenever it did happen
Men usually are the ones to complain about the lack of sex drive in their wives.
It can be that a wife no longer finds her husband physically attractive.
Bustle’s Carol Queen says that a relationship shouldn’t be too dependent on sex so that that “you don’t seem to have a connection beyond the sexual.”
But still, lack of attraction can cause emotional issues in a relationship, and then there will be problems.
Often a wife marries for security and to have a couple of kids to care for and love.
As soon as she has that, the sex comes to a grinding halt, or she gives it reluctantly every now and then.
According to Dr. Rachel Sussman, professional therapist and relationship expert, “action in the bedroom is really important, and it shouldn’t be something you avoid having”.
8) Needs Like empathy and emotional security aren’t met
These could already have started in the early years of marriage.
When a man sees that his partner isn’t affected by their marital problems he becomes disillusioned.
He feels hopeless which is toxic for a successful marriage.
9) Having kids and marital responsibilities took their toll on the relationship faster than he ever dreamed
Sometimes it can be overwhelming for a man when his wife wants to immediately start a family, and then buy a bigger and better home and a better car almost immediately.
Years ago when a couple entered matrimony, there were clear ideas about home responsibilities, but things are very different now.
If couples could learn to share chores, the marriage can have the hallmark of unity.
10) Personal changes have occurred
It can be that you were both very similar in the early stages of marriage.
But now one of you has moved on, you have different dreams, different stages of life – maybe one of you has been influenced by others and you are no longer the same person you once were.
11) No more value being added to his life
When we marry someone it is because they have added value to our life, whether it is companionship, encouragement, and building us up; whatever.
But usually, a relationship ends when one of the partners no longer brings that encouragement and value to the marriage; in fact, they could be draining any value from it.
Sometimes you might not even have realized that this was happening.
Now that you know why he might have left, you will do anything to have him back.
We are showing you things to try and do to get him back for the benefit of both of you…
My Husband Left Me and I Still Love Him – What You Should Do
1) Don’t revenge him for the betrayal
It is hurtful that you have been ‘dumped’ but remember he didn’t do it to punish you; he did it because something had gone out of the marriage.
It has become stagnate. If you can forget about revenge and focus on saving your marriage, you have an advantage already.
That’s a good start to trying to get your husband back.
2) Start getting happy despite your circumstances
This may seem impossible because you are heartbroken, but before you sink into the depths of despair, you need to do whatever it takes to make yourself happy.
You need to be delighted again with what you are going to plan and do with your life. It is time to be alive.
Of course, you might be feeling flat, but you need to reclaim happiness.
It can’t be stressed enough.
3) No long sermons anymore – keep it short
You probably want to gush with venom at your husband for deserting you, but now it’s time to change and keep things short and sweet.
You might think he deserves to hear how he has caused you such pain but choose rather be dignified and reserved, paving the way for a brighter future – no more complaints, even though they might be justified.
Complaining will never allow for a brighter future even in your outside-of-marriage relationships.
4) Give him space to talk by listening
Instead of talking non-stop about how upset and hurt you are, now it’s time to give him space to talk – with no tears, anger, and judgment gushing from your lips.
No more interrupting him while he tries to speak – allow him to have his say.
5) Time to clean up your own act if you want your husband back
You might be enraged that he had the audacity to walk out on you – you believe he is the one who is behaving badly.
But there’s enormous power in inspecting your own side of the street for the mistakes you have made, apologizing for them, and starting to clean up your own act.
See how your dignity will return.
6) Being pleased when he does make any gestures towards you
Maybe even after your husband has walked out on you, he is still trying to make you happy and please you as much as he can when he has dealings with you.
You should at all times receive these gestures with kindness and pleasure at his efforts.
7) Don’t forget to say thank you
You might feel that there is so much going wrong, and not anything to be thankful for from your husband.
It might even feel strange for you to believe anything could go right.
But if you remember to say thank you to him for his continuance to pay the mortgage, for even asking how you are, or for still picking up the kids, you will see what a huge difference it makes – he might even regret his decision when he sees how you have changed.
8) Forget about the marriage counseling now
Don’t drag your husband to marriage counseling thinking the counselor will sort him out and he will want to come back.
All the complaints and wounds just get opened up again.
Do you think that will really make you feel happier?
Rather get yourself a relationship coach who understands your situation and shows you how to make your marriage playful and passionate again if your husband does come back.
9) Smiling seals many a deal
Next time he has to come over, he is going to expect a lot of anger, maybe shouting, and even tears.
Imagine his surprise if you are all smiles, happy, and seemingly on top of your game!
Naturally, you might feel he doesn’t deserve any smiles from you, but remember, you are committing to having a happy life, regardless of your husband.
He will probably ask why you are all smiles, and you can say that his recent decision of walking out made you realize how short life is – you have decided to pay more attention to your happiness.
Imagine what a pleasant surprise that will be for him, he might be thinking of how attractive you were when he drives away!
10) Don’t sit on the fence – stay committed
There will be days when you just don’t want to bother anymore, you will believe you are just being stupid to try and save your marriage.
And maybe your husband has said it’s over this time – naturally, you will be discouraged, because you do want him back – you still love him, right?
Remember to find the people who support you in your vision, your family and friends, and your relationship coach – they will encourage you to stay on the side of love.
11) Flirt with him at the right times…
…and remember to look and feel good when you see him good and feel good as if you have a date.
Flirting is a good sign that you feel attractive about yourself.
Even though you might not feel like it, bring out your playful self, feeling confident about your vision, and not insecure.
And when you next have to see him, whether it is at the divorce attorney’s, or at one of the kids’ events; whatever; pretend it is a date and be charming, good-looking, alive, and happy.
Have fun with it.
Even seduce him if you have to because don’t forget, this is your husband we are talking about, the guy you still love and want back – he is still yours.
It might be just the springboard you need.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Is there hope for me that my husband will come back again?
Yes, of course, there is hope for you that he will come back. Naturally, it will require changes to have been made, good changes which we have outlined above.
Remember, it is only a divorce that spells the end of a marriage.
If neither of you is willing to change, to the point that there is no desire to reconcile, then that is the end of the marriage.
Just in some rare cases, you will find some divorced couples who reconcile and do come back together.
Are there good percentages of married couples who get back together again after one of the spouses walks out on the marriage?
Sometimes, against the odds, there are couples who reconcile after being separated from one another.
There are statistics to show that couples do get back together after a separation.
Statistics show that around 87% of couples do end their relationship in the divorce courts, but that 13% do reconcile again after being separated. It can happen to you too.
Can my husband feel love for me again and want to start over again?
It is possible to reignite the spark. Remember that song “Old flames can’t hold a candle to you?”
So with some time and effort on your part, it is very possible that you can win back your spouse again.
See what you think about reigniting the spark. It will require changes if you are prepared to make them.
Can you tell if a breakup or walking out is final?
We have a few ways to tell you that it is probably over with not much hope of recovery:
- If you don’t feel sad or hurt
- You are physically very distant from each other
- None of your friends and family like your ex
- You have someone new in your life
- You’ve already done on-and-then-off again and you don’t want it again
Does it mean the marriage is finished when there is separation?
Being separated isn’t the same as divorce. Divorce is a final decree that you are no longer married, but separation means you are still married, you just live apart – you’re legally married.
There can’t be anything more heartbreaking or painful than hearing the words “I’m leaving, I don’t love you anymore” coming from your husband’s mouth, particularly if you still love him.
It’s completely human, after the initial shock, respond with anger and revenge; you want to hurt him as he has hurt you.
Like we have said before, some of the things suggested might sound counterintuitive to you.
But it’s up to you, if you want your husband back, to change yourself and try and revitalize your marriage before it heads to the divorce courts.
In closing, read these wonderful ways that you can influence the heart of your husband.
Look at these wonderful ways.
Hang in there!
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