My Husband Wants a Divorce and Moved on But I Still Love Him – Now What?

Ouch! So your husband has walked out on your marriage, and you are devastated!

You are wondering why he did that; you are trying to wrack your brains as to what could be the reason.

The thing is, you still love him, and now you want to desperately get him back!

You are wondering if this will ever be possible and how on earth you go about it. 

Why did my husband leave me?

There are reasons a man walks out on a marriage

It takes quite a bit of bravery for a man to walk out on a marriage.

Often, he leaves behind children who dote on him, pets that he adores, and years of input and building up a life with his wife and family – now he is walking out.

What makes a guy do such a thing?

Maybe you are wondering why.

So let’s look briefly at a few reasons why a guy leaves a marriage:

1) He no longer feels appreciated

Firstly, he no longer feels appreciated by any family members.

Because of that, he becomes resentful. The last thing he feels like is doling out love.

2) Excitement is Gone

If you’ve been married for many years, life tends to get into a boring routine.

Sometimes each partner gets into a rut; they don’t even bother to organize holidays or fun activities anymore.

Maybe your husband needed some loving excitement again, some fun distractions to liven things up for him, whatever the distraction could be.

3) Finances and spending are big issues

Men in therapy will often say their partner’s poor decisions about money drove them to leave.

They feel like they are taken for granted.

4) Someone in the marriage cheated

Infidelity is a massive crisis and problem in a marriage.

Usually, there are a few reasons why people start cheating in a marriage, but you can be sure there is unhappiness, needs that weren’t being met in the marriage.

5) You two have nothing in common anymore

Men and women often expect their spouses to be the same person they married years ago.

But you have to grow together as you age or risk growing apart.

Sometimes what seems to be mundane and insignificant differences can cause one of the spouses to start feeling disrespected, unloved, and no longer on the same wavelength.

6) He no longer felt adequate

Many men who are unhappy in their marriage will say in therapy that they feel inadequate, they have a fear that they no longer measure up in their partner’s eyes.

The more his wife criticizes him, the more inadequate he feels.

7) Sex flew out the window, and it was boring whenever it did happen

Men usually are the ones to complain about the lack of sex drive in their wives.

It can be that a wife no longer finds her husband physically attractive.

Bustle’s Carol Queen says that a relationship shouldn’t be too dependent on sex so that that “you don’t seem to have a connection beyond the sexual.”

But still, lack of attraction can cause emotional issues in a relationship, and then there will be problems.

Often a wife marries for security and to have a couple of kids to care for and love.

As soon as she has that, the sex comes to a grinding halt, or she gives it reluctantly now and then.

According to Dr. Rachel Sussman, professional therapist and relationship expert, “action in the bedroom is really important, and it shouldn’t be something you avoid having.”

8) Needs Like empathy and emotional security aren’t met

These could already have started in the early years of marriage.

When a man sees that his partner isn’t affected by their marital problems, he becomes disillusioned.

He feels hopeless, which is toxic for a successful marriage.

9) Having kids and marital responsibilities took their toll on the relationship faster than he ever dreamed

Sometimes it can be overwhelming for a man when his wife wants to immediately start a family and then buy a bigger and better home and a better car almost immediately.

Years ago, when a couple entered matrimony, there were clear ideas about home responsibilities, but things are very different now.

Today many husbands and wives see their allotment of housework as unfair, which can cause massive eruptions, especially if the assumptions and misunderstandings around duties explode into arguments and anger over household tasks.

If couples could learn to share chores, the marriage can have the hallmark of unity.

10) Personal changes have occurred

It can be that you were both very similar in the early stages of marriage.

But now one of you has moved on, you have different dreams, different stages of life – maybe one of you has been influenced by others, and you are no longer the same person you once were.

11) No more value being added to his life

When we marry someone, it is because they have added value to our life, whether it is companionship, encouragement, or building us up.

But usually, a relationship ends when one of the partners no longer brings that encouragement and value to the marriage; in fact, they could be draining any value from it.

Sometimes you might not even have realized that this was happening.

Now that you know why he might have left, you will do anything to have him back.

We are showing you things to try and do to get him back for the benefit of both of you…

My Husband Left Me, and I Still Love Him –  What You Should Do

1) Don’t revenge on him for the betrayal

It is hurtful that you have been ‘dumped’ but remember he didn’t do it to punish you; he did it because something had gone out of the marriage.

It has become stagnated. If you can forget about revenge and focus on saving your marriage, you have an advantage already.

That’s a good start to trying to get your husband back.

2) Start getting happy despite your circumstances

This may seem impossible because you are heartbroken, but before you sink into the depths of despair, you must do whatever it takes to make yourself happy.

You need to be delighted again with what you are going to plan and do with your life. It is time to be alive.

Of course, you might feel flat, but you must reclaim happiness.

It can’t be stressed enough.

Why?

Because it’s indispensable in reclaiming your husband back – you need to start working on yourself to show him the alive, happy, playful, passionate person that he remembers from long back.

3) No long sermons anymore – keep it short

You probably want to gush with venom at your husband for deserting you, but now it’s time to change and keep things short and sweet.

You might think he deserves to hear how he has caused you such pain but choose rather be dignified and reserved, paving the way for a brighter future – no more complaints, even though they might be justified.

Complaining will never allow for a brighter future, even in your outside-of-marriage relationships.

4) Give him space to talk by listening

Instead of talking non-stop about how upset and hurt you are, now it’s time to give him space to talk – with no tears, anger, and judgment gushing from your lips.

No more interrupting him while he tries to speak – allow him to have his say.

5) Time to clean up your act if you want your husband back

You might be enraged that he had the audacity to walk out on you – you believe he is the one who is behaving badly.

But there’s enormous power in inspecting your side of the street for the mistakes you have made, apologizing for them, and starting to clean up your own act.

See how your dignity will return.

6) Being pleased when he does make any gestures towards you

Maybe even after your husband has walked out on you, he is still trying to make you happy and please you as much as he can when he has dealings with you.

You should always receive these gestures with kindness and pleasure at his efforts.

7) Don’t forget to say thank you

You might feel that there is so much going wrong and not anything to be thankful for from your husband.

It might even feel strange for you to believe anything could go right.

But if you remember to say thank you to him for his continuance to pay the mortgage, for even asking how you are, or for still picking up the kids, you will see what a huge difference it makes – he might even regret his decision when he sees how you have changed.

8) Forget about the marriage counseling now

Don’t drag your husband to marriage counseling thinking the counselor will sort him out and he will want to return.

All the complaints and wounds just get opened up again.

Do you think that will really make you feel happier?

Instead get yourself a relationship coach who understands your situation and shows you how to make your marriage playful and passionate again if your husband does come back.

9) Smiling seals many a deal

Next time he comes over, he will expect a lot of anger, maybe shouting, and even tears.

Imagine his surprise if you are all smiles, happy, and seemingly on top of your game!

Naturally, you might feel he doesn’t deserve any smiles from you, but remember, you are committing to having a happy life, regardless of your husband.

He will probably ask why you are all smiles, and you can say that his recent decision to walk out made you realize how short life is – you have decided to pay more attention to your happiness.

Imagine what a pleasant surprise that will be for him; he might be thinking of how attractive you are when he drives away!

10) Don’t sit on the fence – stay committed

There will be days when you just don’t want to bother anymore, you will believe you are just being stupid to try and save your marriage.

And maybe your husband has said it’s over this time – naturally, you will be discouraged because you do want him back – you still love him, right?

Remember to find the people who support you in your vision, your family and friends, and your relationship coach – they will encourage you to stay on the side of love.

11) Flirt with him at the correct times…

…and remember to look and feel good when you see him good and feel good as if you have a date.

Flirting is a good sign that you feel attractive about yourself.

Even though you might not feel like it, bring out your playful self, feel confident about your vision, and not insecure.

And when you next have to see him, whether it is at the divorce attorney’s or at one of the kids’ events, whatever, pretend it is a date and be charming, good-looking, alive, and happy.

Have fun with it.

Even seduce him if you have to because don’t forget, this is your husband we are talking about, the guy you still love and want back – he is still yours.

It might be just the springboard you need.

Good luck!

We are cheering you on, not only that you will succeed in saving your marriage, but that you will be successful in making it magical again, where you will again feel cherished, desired, and adored by your husband.

Conclusion

Nothing is more heartbreaking or painful than hearing the words “I’m leaving, I don’t love you anymore” coming from your husband’s mouth, particularly if you still love him.

It’s completely human; after the initial shock, respond with anger and revenge; you want to hurt him as he has hurt you.

Unfortunately for you, you won’t get much comfort from making him suffer; if you still love him, you will be sorry because you might make him even happier about his decision.

There is hope, though, for you because there are certain things which we have outlined above, positive things that you can do to get relief from the void it has left, and hopefully, you can put back your family again.

Like we have said before, some of the things suggested might sound counterintuitive to you.

But it’s up to you; if you want your husband back, it’s up to you to change yourself and try revitalizing your marriage before it heads to the divorce courts.

In closing, read these beautiful ways you can influence your husband’s heart.

Look at these beautiful ways.

Hang in there!

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