I Think I Hate My Wife and I Don’t Like Being Married to Her – What Should I Do?

I hate my wife

For many, particularly for a lot of those who dream of getting married, they conjure up ideas of delicious sessions of…

  • Romantic cooking together
  • Pillow fights and
  • A friend who stands beside you through thick and thin when the bad times roll…

…like in the movies, right?

But for thousands of other people, who have been there, done that, they’ve got the tee-shirt; they will tell you that it is not the happy ending.

For thousands of men, the honeymoon was the last time they can remember any romantic bliss! 

For many with a lot of years of experience in marriage, they will tell you that marriage actually requires a continual effort to keep the boat afloat.

It doesn’t just pan out well on its own.

It requires hard work, team spirit from both parties, plenty of humor, and other positive things to keep it going. 

At some time along the way, one person is going to start feeling wronged by their partner.

And being human, and different, it will depend on whether we will just ignore everything and let it hopefully go away on its own, or we confront the problem in an angry outburst…

…for thousands, they seek solace in the arms of someone else.

If problems aren’t dealt with, they can lie there and become a toxic, festering sore

Many wives will feel they relate to this scenario.

They have noticed that their husbands have changed their behavior towards them.

They no longer communicate with them anymore – the affection is gone, and they notice that their men are avoiding them more than they want!

Things that lead to this resentment from a partner can arise from a whole host of problems.

These can be financial problems, no communication, no intimacy, unfaithfulness – there are many.

One has to realize that even the healthiest of marriages aren’t 100% perfect and free of conflict

All relationships have their ups and downs, where you feel your partner has let you down.

So we are going to look today at 10 top reasons why husbands start to resent their wives.

Some men become so resentful; they start to hate their wives, longing for escape.

Are you such a husband?

I Can’t Stand My Wife – What to Do When You Hate Your Wife

Couple not talking to each other

Here are 10 reasons why husbands start hating their wives and what you can do when you don’t like her or resent being married to her…

1) She has become lazy and doesn’t contribute towards bringing her part

It can be hugely stressful and infuriating having a lazy spouse in the marriage.

You expected her to help around the house, to do errands and other work.

You work all day.

When you get home, the children are running around, unorganized, no dinner is prepared, and ‘wifey’ is playing with her phone on the couch.

Worst of all, she doesn’t even try and go out to work.

At home, she wants to act like the Queen Bee.

A lazy wife can definitely cause a rift in the relationship and cause a huge rift in communication as well.

2) She spends her life on her phone

This is becoming a huge problem in marriages.

The cellphone has become the new ‘bf’ or new ‘gf’ in the relationship.

It gets gently put on the table when eating.

The moment it rings and demands attention, it gets it!

If it falls, it gets nursed and lovingly “fixed” because its owner cannot do without it!

It knows about receiving all kinds of intimate chats and texting – it is a lifeline.  

So you can understand why it has become a problem in a marriage.

When a man comes home from a day at work and his wife is on her phone, not paying attention, ignoring the kids, you can understand, too, how lonely it makes a person feel.

He wants you to create cell-free times for him.

3) She is not interested in sex

Marriage counselors typically hear complaints from men that they are not getting enough sex in the marriage.

That makes them feel resentful.

There are many reasons of course why this might be so; she might have a low sex drive.

But when the matter is not even communicated, it leaves a guy feeling rejected, and resentment builds up.

If a man does want sex and he is not getting it in the marriage, it can lead to much anger, even depression.

4) She treats her husband like a child 

One big problem in marriages is when a partner talks down to the other.

And a man hates this.

It makes him feel totally inadequate and resentful.

He resents the fact that because his wife thinks she is ‘Mom of the Year’ with the kids; that it extends to him as well!

A man finds a woman who treats him like a kid totally unsexy.

And yet, it is not an uncommon scenario in a marriage.

She treats him like a child by –

  • Constantly nagging
  • She doesn’t leave him in charge of his own kids because she doesn’t trust his abilities. She is a control freak.
  • The kids are her domain, and she controls what her husband says and does with them. It’s like she thinks he is incapable of parenting.
  • She involves other people in your marriage, instead of it just being a matter between the two of you.
  • She is always gossiping and complaining to her besties about the problems in your marriage, breaking your trust in her. You find it humiliating and hurtful. It becomes difficult to work through the issues when everyone is aware of the problems. It makes a man feel constantly judged as if the spotlight is on him all the time. This causes him embarrassment. Some friends might even move away from or end the relationship because they know that that is all she will talk about when you are together.

6) She never appreciates anything that he does to improve things

We all know in marriage how regular doses of praises go so far as to keep it happy and balanced.

When a wife doesn’t appreciate her husband’s efforts, it really injures him.

She refuses to appreciate the things that he does well; whether it’s his job, his work, something good about his character, or a hobby, whatever. 

A man always feels part of his identity is in the things he does.

So when his wife doesn’t find value in him, his ego is bruised.

She finds reasons that his good news isn’t good news.

He gets a promotion and she downplays it.

Or he organizes a wonderful holiday in the summer sun and she will say something like, “Are you sure we should go?”

7) She withholds sex as punishment

Women want emotional intimacy to make love, and men express their emotional intimacy through sex.

That’s what the author of Is That All He Thinks About, Marla Taviano, says.

And when a woman gets angry with her husband or wants something from him, she will often withhold sex or use it as a bargaining chip.

That’s what is known as emotional abuse.

This can absolutely alienate a guy.

When sex is withheld, it makes a guy feel less loved. In the end, he gives less love in return.

It is OK to say you don’t want sex but to tell your husband you won’t have sex with him because he has done something wrong can be considered abusive.

The reasons for withholding sex will depend on each person.

Often it results from past abuse or trauma; sometimes it a well-thought-out plan.

8) She wants to change her husband to her standards

Anne Ziff, the author of Marrying Well, says that “Every person can change, but it’s better to focus on our own changes, rather than our spouse’s behaviors.”

But some wives create relationships where husbands just can’t be themselves anymore.

“I will change him” are words that women have said across the world.

When you meet the right person, though, and you love someone, don’t you generally accept them for who they are; faults and all? 

Unfortunately, for a woman, trying to change her man can be dangerous because it can backfire and disappoint her, putting the relationship on the rocks.

When a woman tries to change a guy, she ends up nagging him, and that’s going to cause him to hate his wife.

9) She makes important decisions without your input

You’ve had heaps and heaps of disagreements because she makes important decisions without even consulting you.

She is trying to wield power.

But thing is, if you want a harmonious relationship, you have to balance the power.

But she is the one who has started calling the shots.

It could be dynamic in some relationships which is OK if you are both happy with it.

But maybe you have noticed that your wife is doing all the decision-making in your relationship; from the smallest stuff to the really big stuff.

It is leaving you feeling depleted and resentful.

10) She gives you no space, not even to be the kind of parent you want to be to your kids

Some parenting styles like what dad brings to the relationship and to the kids such as rough-and-tumble play offers children special bonds and unique, developmental benefits.

Men get resentful when they see their children growing up with obvious gaps in their independence and competency.

And sometimes when a woman doesn’t trust her husband to do the parenting her way, she is sending a message to him that his methods are wrong and only hers are right.

It’s no wonder that some guys resent their wives because things are no longer the same! 

  • She isn’t fun-loving like she used to be and doesn’t laugh with him anymore.
  • She has started neglecting you for over the kids – the kids come first now.
  • She never used to complain but now she complains all the time and sounds unkind.
  • She is boring and doesn’t suggest anything fun or playful anymore.
  • She is no longer exciting and attractive; in fact, she’s let herself go.
  • Heaven help him if he disagrees with her because her way is the “only” way!
  • She puts her family and friends before you.
  • She prefers talking to her girlfriends and wants you to be like an extended girlfriend.
  • She reminds you over and over of all that you should be doing.
  • She forces you to have to earn her respect if you want it.
  • She doesn’t communicate as she used to, but expects you to be a mind-reader and know her needs.
  • For her, you are no longer Prince Charming.
  • She lets you see that you aren’t an option when it comes to asking you for help for anything.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

If you hate your wife but want still want to fix the marriage, how can you start?

  • Try and figure out if you want to work it out or not. That’s the first step.
  • Talk to her about your feelings and that you plan out working it out or not.
  • Make your plans and seek counseling with her if you want to fix things up.
  • Otherwise, start divorce proceedings.

Why does a man lose interest in his wife?

It’s when the relationship becomes stagnant, and you are both become boring and comfortable with each other.

Is there a particularly hard year of marriage to adjust to?

According to relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein, a licensed Clinical Social Worker, she says the first year is the hardest, even if you have lived together before.

Even if you have been together for a few years, getting married and starting married life can always be a bit tricky; it takes adjusting.

What is the biggest problem that arises between married couples?

Sometimes the intimacy just starts to disappear. It usually is one of the most common causes of marital problems.

Conclusion

When you went into marriage, you probably knew that there would be times when you wouldn’t always feel so romantic towards each other.

On your wedding day, you never ever believed that the romantic feelings you felt for your wife would start to die or that they would die completely.

You would have found it hard to believe that in a few years you would have already started to resent your wife to the point of hating her at times.

You have even thought of leaving her.

But you have also thought of the kids and of trying to work it out for their sake.

You have a couple of options.

You can insist on you and your wife going to counseling appointments – you be the one to set them up.

If she refuses, you could show her that you are serious about getting things right and tell her you want this prior to dishing out divorce papers.

You are no longer prepared to stay in a loveless marriage with someone whom you have grown to resent so much.

You could also insist on having an hour each week where you and your wife sit down and have private and uninterrupted conversations to try and rebuild the relationship.

Go out again and see if you can’t have some great fun again like you used to.

Otherwise, she might hear you saying ….

“I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone”. Robin Williams

Also Read:

How To Get a Guy’s Attention – Is Getting a Man’s Attention Hard?