3) Eliminate the three ‘As’ that that could have been responsible for your marriage falling down
What are the three A-s?
They are Anger, Addiction, and Affairs.
It’s plain and simple, really – it is not necessary that you read advice from the relationship experts to understand how these three things are absolute killers of a marriage.
They are out of bounds in a healthy marriage.
If you are indulging in any of these three, which are self-defeating and destroyers of relationships, you need to let go of this habit and fast.
If your spouse is the one who falls in these three A-s, then in this instance, trying to save this type of marriage might not be in your best interests at all.
You might be making a big mistake, actually, trying to save it.
4) Sleep closer together
You will once again experience that same rush of brain chemicals sleeping closer to your partner, and not just sexually either.
When you sleep comfortingly next to each other, it certainly has wonderful benefits.
Actually, a 2014 survey presented at the Edinburgh International Science Festival discovered that couples who slept the closest to each other reported experiencing more relationship satisfaction.
The research didn’t cover whether sleeping apart causes dissatisfaction, however.
But for you who want to try and save your marriage, try and get closer and see how your partner will probably love it too; they will notice the difference you are making.
5) Start to limit technology and give the time of day to your partner with lovely conversations
Maybe now is the time, if you want to work on your marriage from your side, to put yourself on a technology diet.
Nothing kills communication or romance faster than people whom you are trying to talk to, who have their cellphone in hand, who are only half-listening to what you say while keeping their eyes glued on their phone most of the time.
No wonder that in a 2014 Brigham Young University survey of heterosexual women, that 70% of them felt that technology like smartphones and other devices were totally interfering with their love lives, killing them in fact.
For your own part, it is suggested that you do away with your phone and television at mealtimes with your partner as well as when you go into the bedroom.
Only use technology at specific times when it does not appear as if it is the number one love of your life.
Give your spouse your full attention so they do not feel disconnected from you because you are talking to them with your cellphone in your hand.
6) Take a break
It could be that family and work obligations have made it that your love life falls at the bottom of the queue.
But you can schedule some time off from these obligations.
A break, particularly in nature, helps you to focus on each other again.
Even just a weekend where you show a side of you that your partner might not have seen in you for a long time – can certainly refresh your bonds.
It might be a good time to discuss what you will do on the holiday or the break ahead of time, so you both know what to expect.
Hopefully, it will be with no pressure and just happy times of spending top quality time with each other laughing, and talking the way old friends do!
7) Say thank you
Often when you fall into habits in a relationship, you often take for granted the really nice things that a spouse does for you.
You forget to really let them know how thankful you are.
Gratitude is extremely important.
It fosters a sense of wellbeing and closeness with your spouse because you are noticing them and appreciating them.
8) Compliment your spouse
Sometimes you get so used to your partner, and particularly if the marriage is not going well, a lot of focus is put on the negative stuff.
This often leads to nagging, saying hurtful things, and voicing your dissatisfaction.
It is really worth your while to try and focus more on the good things that your spouse does and less on the bad.
This is a good analogy: “Water what you want to grow; don’t water the weeds.”
When you let your spouse know the things you love about them, you start to see them in a more positive light.
They, too, will want to give back more of what you complimenting them on.
It builds relationships – genuine compliments that go backward and forward between you two.
9) Add some surprise
To relieve the humdrum of marriage and particularly one that is falling apart, you can change things around by adding a bit of surprise, excitement, and thoughtfulness into the mix.
What about taking turns so that each weekend one of you has to surprise the other with some surprise activity or outing?
That will require no groaning and moaning about the stuff your spouse comes up with; only smiles and charm and laughs from you to accompany these outings.
See how it bonds you together with all the laughs and fun you have – like getting to know each other again!
10) Cultivate your own interests
When your marriage is on the rocks, it might also be because you are complaining to your partner that he or she always leaves you over the weekend while they go off and do stuff.
But now is a good time to find something that you love doing – something that you can put your passion into, something that you can chat with your spouse about and let them become interested in it with you as well.
Often when you are not satisfied with your own life, you will criticize others more, and that includes your spouse.
Having a full, happy, and busy life makes you much more interesting, admirable, and enjoyable to be around.
11) What are your spouse’s passions?
Observe your partner’s passions because it’s important that they have a passion as well, which you can enjoy with them as well.
You might never share their passion for what they love doing, but you can happily navigate their passion with them, honoring their talent and watching them being in their element.
12) Go on double dates
It is not necessary that you suddenly have to spend all your time with your spouse if you are trying to save your marriage.
Couples said they felt more affectionate and romantic towards their own spouse watching him or her interacting with friends.
Praising and flirting with each other.
Of course, flirting can be different depending on each couple, so it might even feel a bit awkward at the beginning.
But it can add some excitement and romance again, as long as you are comfortable and having fun.
13) Get some pillow talk
It is perhaps at this stage of your marriage that you are no longer having sex – you might even be sleeping in separate rooms.
But if you are putting some of the above into practice, adding some romance again, it might be that something led up to you having sex.
It has been said in research from 2013 from the University of Connecticut that couples who spoke positively to each other after sex reported greater relationship satisfaction than those who didn’t.
If you have managed to indulge in sex again, spend a few extra minutes afterward snuggling and chatting.
You will see how it add happiness and tightens bonds.
14) No more games
If your marriage is nearly over, you probably are already feeling distant from your partner.
If you are a woman, you might think a sexy dress or a sexier body might get his attention, and sure, it might work, but it could also backfire.
If he or she hasn’t noticed yet that you are trying to work at the marriage, it might leave you feeling silly and resentful that it didn’t go as planned.
It might be better if you were to sit down with your spouse…
…then tell them about what you feel, saying something like “I don’t feel particularly connected to you right now, and I have some thoughts about what I’d like to do differently to make us feel closer”.
That way, it’s not such a test where you will either end up being successful or failing.
Rather, you are trying for both of you to make an effort.
15) Redefining your date night
Try and reschedule some regular time where you and your spouse can be by yourselves as a couple; away from home stuff and responsibilities; where just the two of you can connect.
It doesn’t mean getting all dressed up for a grand restaurant, but it could just mean a lovely casual walk with some lovely drinks afterward for the two of you to share in each other’s company.
It all depends on what you as a couple love doing together.
The Stony Brook University in 2009 found that it is possible to be in a long-term relationship and still maintain feelings of romantic love for many years.
The secret, they say, is having your partner’s back, and knowing that your partner has yours as well.
Adults who know they are secure in their relationships tend to have higher self-esteem.
This correlates to more feelings of “intense, exclusive focus” on their partners.
Isn’t that awesome?
16) Adjust your expectations
If you are feeling dissatisfied with your marriage, you still have to remember that there is no relationship that is perfect.
Many people and couples in today’s sexualized culture believe that something is drastically missing from their relationships if they are not having the 50 Shades of Grey type of sex.
Remember that all relationships have their ups and downs; that love is expressed in many forms and different ways.
Many couples end up in therapy because of what they expect from their marriage – it’s because their expectations don’t match up with the realities of life.
Often, these very people need to change their outlook first.
17) Be kind and considerate
Most people know that the key to having a healthy and happy marriage is good communication.
But it’s not about voicing your needs and wants all the time, but actually listening to your spouse as well, in other words being a more thoughtful person.
It is not waiting to be asked, but anticipating it and doing it for your spouse without any prompts.