How and When to Give A Man Space to Figure Things Out

how to give him space

  • How do you give a man space without losing him?
  • How long or how much time should you give him?
  • When should you give him space?
  • How do you make him miss you during a break?

If you’re looking for answers to these questions, then you’re in the right place!

Perhaps lately your boyfriend hasn’t been responding to your texts – maybe you’ve noticed that he seems in a hurry to say goodbye to you on the phone?

You are beginning to feel that something is a little bit different in your relationship; like when he is with you he is not really there.

Or when you want to chat to him about meaningful things, he seems far away, maybe not even interested.

What Will I Learn?

It can be a terrifying moment in a romance to realize he is drifting away and wants space

It can make you feel downright panicky; the feeling that you could be or are about to lose your guy at any moment.

But you don’t know how to stop it. And the main thing is you don’t want to lose him.

So the question is now what should you do?


He has even said he needs space

Maybe, deep down, he actually wanted to end the relationship.

But afterward, you both agreed that you would continue in the relationship, but the two of you would space yourselves a bit.

You don’t like this news one bit, in fact, it is freaking you out.

Say now he decides to just end the relationship.

But you can hold your horses right there!

  • Have you thought about why he is acting like this and what could have actually caused him to come to this conclusion?
  • Is there something you could have done wrong?

Fortunately, there are some things you can do and there are some that you should not do.

You need to learn how to give your guy some space in the right way so that you don’t lose him and push him away further.

The main thing not to do is to go chasing after him, needing reassurance that things are going to be OK.

Neither should you text him or call him afterward.

Right now you need to give him the time he needs without you reaching out to him desperately – you want him to miss you soon.

This might just be the wake-up call to turn things around, to benefit you!

Sure, it can hurt if you believe he is deliberately pulling away

It might look like his feelings towards you have changed. It hurts a whole lot to think that this might be his way of possibly leaving you.

And it sucks for you to sit there at home with all the negative emotions swirling around in your head – to feel that there is nothing you can do about it.

What you really want to do is to cling to him even more!

You want emotional reassurance from him that he isn’t going to leave you.

You are desperate to force him closer to you, not further!

But realize now that any of these things that you want to do aren’t going to draw him closer; they might even possibly drive him away for good.

Fear of loss is when you allow negative feelings to control your actions instead of your positive ones

Remember in the early days, when you had just started seeing this guy, you weren’t worried that he would leave you then.

You acted at that time like you had nothing to lose.

In fact, you didn’t have anything to lose because there was no existing relationship to lose.

So you acted how you wanted to.

And that was what was attractive to him then; seeing you act with calmness, happiness, and confidence; in much the same way that a woman finds those same attributes attractive in a guy.

But now, with him wanting some space, you fear you actually have something to lose…

…maybe you have invested two years or more into this person.

Now suddenly, you feel like a piece of his life that’s become ingrained in you is disappearing.

It feels like the solid ground that you were standing on is shifting under your feet.

It’s making you panic to wonder where that leaves you!

You have to understand here that a guy can love being with you on a date, but still needs space

Yes, you can have an amazing connection with a guy.

He could be head over heels for you, but that does not mean he doesn’t need some time and space away from you. 


Lots of men like time off to cement in their minds how they feel about you; it’s a time to sort out their emotions and figure out what they want.

As time ticks by, he probably builds up the yearning to see you again, and he starts thinking about you.

That’s why if you cling to him and become desperate, he will just pull back.

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It could that you are only reading this article now, and your guy has already asked for space 

Maybe he has thought about it, and this is a gentle way for him of ending the relationship.

He has not been back; maybe not even contacted you.

You need to accept then that the relationship could be over.

That sucks big time, and it hurts, but at least you would have been able to avoid all the heartbreak and drama and all the effort of chasing after him to get him to stay.

Chances are good that he will come back because he is getting the space he wants.

He will probably start missing the good times you had and will want to come back.

How to Give a Man Space in a Relationship – 21 Points to Remember

Lady giving his man some_space

We have 21 reliable ways you can make him long to get you back!

It is not that easy giving space to a guy when you have been in a serious relationship.

And also, it can cause anxiety too, because sometimes you have to work out if this is actually a gentle breaking up.

This means it’s difficult to get the right balance between giving him space and still letting the relationship function.

But while you are giving him space and the relationship has not broken up, there are ways to start working on yourself to make him long for you and want to get back to you.

Now is the time to make him miss you

And that will mean getting back the spark that was there when the two of you first met – a relationship is something that you have to invest in.

Here is how you can keep the relationship going if it has not ended, and make him miss you like crazy so he wants to come back:

1) You don’t want to start acting out based on panic and fear of loss

Suddenly your actions around him are about getting reassurance from him that he is not leaving.

You want him to say that he will never leave you even though he wants space.

You are so distraught that you can hardly concentrate on what your friends or family are saying or suggesting.

And the time you do spend with him after you have given him his space, you can’t enjoy it, because you are too uptight about pleasing him.

Be assured that your ‘bf’ can sense your ‘anger’ or ‘deep disappointment’ from you if this is the case, and he might just want to get as far away from you as possible.

When he is with you, he might cut the visits short, and when you try and contact him, your message just goes to voicemail.

It’s the pits, isn’t it?

2) Give him space by not calling him all the time

It is nice chatting with your partner and having long and seductive conversations, particularly at the beginning of the relationship.

But now he wants space, and it’s time for you to hold back a bit and show him you have your own life with other obligations that aren’t related to him.

3) You will no longer respond immediately to his messages

Now is a good time to make yourself less available for a while.

So if your ‘bf’ sends a message, don’t answer back immediately.

Make it as if you have become busy with other things.

That will get him very intrigued, and maybe a feeling of jealousy will arise.

Answer him much later, about an hour or two later, letting him see you are not waiting for his calls.

4) Ignore him

In situations where you notice your partner is acting a bit distant and cold; and you can feel something is wrong, now is the time to do the same thing.

If he looks disinterested in you and talks that way on the phone with you, do it too.

He won’t like that and he won’t like being ignored.

He will prick his ears and eyes to attention lest he feels that you are the one not so much into him anymore!

5) Tell him how wonderful your day was

Even though you both have agreed on giving him some space, it’s good to show him that you can have fun without him.

You aren’t addicted to him!

Be upbeat when you chat with him, telling him how good your day was. 

The best way to get a guy to miss you is when he hears what a good time you are having without him.

He will try and get your attention again and be part of your life, showing you that he can also give you a good time in his company.

6) Look good enough to eat

Although you have space between you, nothing should stop you from looking absolutely amazing

You are not going to fall apart and fall into depression.

If you are looking stunning away from him, you are going to hurt his ego a bit.

If you know you are going to be at a place where he will be, look your utmost best!

Be confident, sexy, happy, and carefree.

That will really get to him!

You could even wear his favorite perfume as you waft past him with a couple of your friends, reminding him of the magical moments he had with you.

Just have patience – men like to love, so give it a chance!

7) You are no longer so available

If you want him to miss you like crazy, you have to prove to him that you have your own life going on regardless of the relationship.

That will make you more attractive and intriguing to him.

He will see you are going out with friends and busy with your career.

This shows that you have a character, and you haven’t put your life on hold to go out with him.

In this way, too, you are giving him space to do the same kind of stuff with his own life.

8) Let him know that other guys fancy you too

If you let your ‘bf’ know that other guys are attracted to you, you will make him miss and want you more.

He will become a bit jealous and afraid that other guys might take his place, and win your heart.

If you are giving him space without breaking up, it would do your relationship good if he sees that while he is taking time to have some space, other men are showing interest in you.

9) You could spice up the relationship now that you are giving him space

Sometimes a relationship can get to the stage where it is somewhat boring and more routine than what it used to be.

In a relationship, it is always necessary to work on it and invest time and attention in it.

So it would be nice that while you are giving him space, you can still show him that you care about him, otherwise it could just end in any case.

After all, you haven’t broken up.

Maybe after some time has passed, you could organize a romantic trip, like a weekend getaway.

You let him see the fun, romantic you again.

It spices up the relationship again as you try out new things and explore new things together.

10) Happiness and positivity are attractive to a guy

You have both agreed that he needs to have some space which means that you can’t get all negative and disappointed about it.

That will surely make your partner pull away from you.

This is a great time for you to start doing nice things for yourself like starting a new hobby, joining a gym to get that body slick and sexy again, or volunteering and giving yourself to service.

There are heaps of things to keep you busy and it makes you a happier person.

As you build your self-confidence, a very attractive attribute to a guy, you are doing a good job of winning him back.

11) Make him laugh instead of making him frustrated

We always remember those people we shared unforgettable moments with.

It usually means that you have got under someone’s skin because of your sparkling personality.

He probably fell in love with you once because you made him laugh and you had fun.

Life is not a joke so there is plenty of time for seriousness.

But that doesn’t have to mean you sport a frowning countenance with negativity.

No ways!

Not only your boyfriend, but most people don’t want to be around such a person because people generally want to go where the sunshine is!

12) Let him go if he wants time away with his friends

Your guy needs time out with his friends and this should not harm your relationship.

It is sometimes good for partners to spend some time away separately.

Going away with your own girlfriends and him going away with his boyfriends gives you a great chance to miss each other and be eager to see each other again, refreshing the relationship and giving it a new direction.

13) Send him a photo of you two

You probably have plenty of pictures of you two together, smiling away.

Find a great pic of the two of you two together.

Send it to him with a nice greeting, something like, ‘Look what I found – remember this?’

When he looks at it, happy, fun memories will cause him to miss those wonderful times and maybe long for them again.

14) Don’t interrogate him

Now that you have decided to give him space, don’t interrogate him about when you can’t get hold of him, kind of checking up on him; where he has been, and who he was with.

Let the conversation always just flow naturally so he gives out information freely in a relaxed fashion.

Interrogation just pulls a partner away.

15) Play hard to get

It might never have been your style, but it does work.

We are not talking about being cold and uncaring, just not available at the exact time he calls or texts you.

Playing hard to get makes you more desirable.

The goal here is to be busy but not totally off-limits.

You don’t want him to give up because you are sooo unavailable.

After all, you do want to lure him back.

16) Make him feel like he’s the hero

The new concept in relationship psychology that is causing quite a bit of fuss at the moment is called hero instinct.

Men want to be the hero’s; they want to provide for and protect the woman they love.

That means if you can trigger that hero instinct in a man it will make him miss you.

You are giving him that feeling that he craves.

Check out this video from James Bauer, a relationship psychologist.

He was the first one to coin the term, hero instinct.

Ok, it can be quite an art to make your guy feel more like a hero, but things you say, texts you send, etc. – can all trigger his hero instinct.

17) Being the first to end a conversation

When he is chatting with you, you can be the one to end the conversation.

This can apply to texting as well – don’t be the last one to send the last text.

18) Organize a group get-together with your mutual friends

You could organize a catch-up meeting with your group of friends, turning yourself into a social butterfly.

Your guy sees you aren’t clinging to his side, but you are around all your friends, laughing, and taking photos, but not with him.

Eventually, he will approach you for your attention!

19) Get into his head

If you really want your guy to miss you when you are apart, it will be wise to get inside his head and understand what makes him tick.

Most times, women don’t understand or know what men are thinking.

They don’t understand that what men crave in a relationship is different from what women crave in a relationship.

That’s the thing; men’s and women’s brains are different.

Women are more in touch with their emotions whilst guys often struggle to work their feelings. Michael Fiore is a relationship guru, a leading expert on male psychology.

He offers this video to show you how you can deal with men who won’t open up to women.

20) Chasing after him is a big turn-off for him

The best thing is to give him space, period.

You can discuss this desire of his with him if you have been really close.

But when he gives you his answer, you have to accept it without flaring up.

If you show him that you are someone who can be open and honest with him, even when telling you something you don’t want to hear, then he will be honest with you.

Right here, many women make a big mistake of turning this ‘rejection’ and resentment into a game, a game where they want to punish their guy for hurting them.

They will start emotionally withdrawing from a guy in order to try and hurt him the way he has hurt her.

That’s what toxic relationships are all about, and in the end, the relationship just becomes destroyed.

21) Don’t try and control him

Trying to control him is a successful way of driving your boyfriend further and further away.

If you don’t nip it in the bud immediately, you could be hearing the death knell of your relationship.

If you really want to avoid the sad loss of your boyfriend through your actions, it is imperative for you to realize that it is, in fact, completely normal for a guy to want space.

It’s also perfectly normal that you should give him space.

Guys want the space in order to get their thoughts in order about the relationship.

They long for some time by themselves, or certainly from a woman who is constantly on their case.

Guys often seek out their mates where they can breathe again and feel free to have fun and chat, and also get some advice. 

Frequently Asked Questions(FAQs)

What must I do after I have given him space?

Whether it is a permanent break or just a temporary timeout, but you are still in a relationship, use the time positively and beneficially by working on yourself and becoming a person he can’t resist and can’t do without.

How do I give my boyfriend space?

A good start would be not to overcrowd him, no questioning and interrogating him – let him be the one to wonder what you are getting up.

But won’t I lose him in the process?

You cannot badger him all the time – he wants space to breathe and not to be overwhelmed by you.

Yes, you stand a chance of losing him if even after giving him space you relentlessly continue with texting, calling, social media input, and even passive aggression. Don’t be angry about him asking for some space.

How do I give a guy space if we are living together?

Get out more so you are more like two friends living together and not a couple in a relationship. Go out with your own friends and start building your life away from him. It is possible.

How long should I give him space for?

Let’s ask Alex, the French relationship expert.


Sometimes relationships can hit a low and a guy or gal wants a temporary separation or some space so they can work through the relationship issues.

If you both agree, the relationship continues without actually breaking up.

Many times couples need a pause in the relationship to make it easier for them to figure out if their relationship has a future.

It’s a better solution than always constantly quarreling and then eventually breaking up.

But while you are separated and may be nervous that it could eventually be leading to a proper breakup, we have offered you some very helpful tips above that might turn things around again and get things back on track again.

In fact, your guy might want to continue in the relationship!

Be the girl who is worth missing, not one who believes you need someone to make you happy.

Be happy and positive and someone will certainly miss you when you are not around because ‘that little bit of space, time, and distance can often be just what a relationship needs to bloom at its best!