How to Get a Girlfriend (A Step by Step Guide)

People all over the world believe that if you’re good-looking and you have the ‘bod’ to go with it, whether you are a guy or a gal you are gonna reel in the conquests big time, right?

You probably believe that a lot of very young good-looking young teens have already had a lot to do with the opposite sex by the time they are around 14 already.

They probably know all about text messages from admirers, partying with lots of friends, and living a very busy social life over the weekends.

But did you know that there are many good-looking guys who don’t attract girls, but they see their less attractive, even sometimes overweight guys getting all the girls!

Women just seem to pass you by.

  • Why?
  • Why aren’t you getting a girlfriend?

There is many a guy that calls into dating consultants.

They claim that they are in their 30s already, that they’ve been called good-looking and even cute by friends in the past, but nothing has ever materialized.

They are lonely and some haven’t even had sex yet!

They try and talk to women, but before long, the conversation falls flat and nothing goes anywhere.

What Will I Learn?

Some men have it all going for them, but they still can’t get a girl

Some men call in, claiming they know what to do to attract women.

They are attractive, they have good jobs, a great lifestyle, good friends, and they view themselves as a good catch for girls.

Girls would be lucky to get such a guy.

But still, many of these guys are asking;

  • “What is missing – how can I change?
  • How do I really get the girl I want?”

You are not alone

Believe it; you are not alone in asking the above questions as thousands of guys have asked before you.

And it’s unfortunate to say that there is not a definite clear-cut answer to your question.

In actual fact, there are a few ways to go about getting a girlfriend.

Each of the techniques is different and each one will lead you to your goal. 

Sometimes these same guys might just one day stumble into a relationship.

Some will tell you it is a really tough battle to end up with the woman they wanted to be at their side.

Don’t worry – we have a guide for you on how to get a girl

If you really think about the stuff we mention, it might be that you won’t be saying “It’s a Saturday night and I ain’t got nobody” as the song goes, for long.

No doubt, you will probably disagree with some of the pointers.

It doesn’t matter because there are no hard and fast rules here; just some good advice that will help you to decide what is best for you and how to move forward – maybe work on the things that have been lacking.

Nobody can do the job for you of winning a girl’s heart; that will be your privilege.

We will just give you some steps to follow and apply them as you see fit and take action.

Expert Recommendation

Obsession Method

If you want a step-by-step, hands-on approach on how to get a girlfriend and make her fall for you, there are very few courses out there that’ll help you do so.

But my favorite and the one many relationship experts recommend is The Obsession Method by Kate Springs.

Kate has helped thousands of guys make women feel an uncontrollable obsession for them.

Her techniques have worked wonders on even the most commitment-phobic, cold women.

So make sure to check it out. It might just be the best money you spent this year.

How Do you Get a Girlfriend? 9 Steps to Help You Find One

Teenage couple smiling

Step 1 – Why do you want a girlfriend?

Before you start your big search, this is an important question to think about.

  • Have you asked yourself why you do want a girlfriend?
  • Are you lonely?
  • Are you sad and unhappy and think a girlfriend will change that?
  • Perhaps you believe a girlfriend can lift you out of your doldrums?
  • Are you unpopular and want to show others that you can get a girlfriend?

If you answered yes to these questions, perhaps you need to work on yourself first.

If you want a girl for the above reasons, a relationship will never make you happy, well not in the long run anyway.

In fact, you need to be a happy positive person before you meet someone else, not find a person to make you happy.

No one is going to make you whole, that job is only for one person to fix and that’s you.

Step 2 – Preparing Yourself

Did you know that you have to prepare yourself to meet the right girl?

It doesn’t matter whether you’ve had a girlfriend before or you have never had one, but if you want to find the right steps to get one, you can’t be naïve.

There are some things you need to be clear about, inevitable things that you need to know.

You don’t want a girl breaking up with you because you didn’t know what to do!

Step 3 – Attracting the Opposite Sex

Start changing yourself today for the better.

Maybe changing you for the better starts with getting a new job, new hobbies, meeting new friends, make yourself an attractive person to approach and talk to.

Can you laugh at yourself? 

Because you can’t put your emotional deficiencies onto someone else – nothing good will come of that.

Before we go on, remember there is nothing wrong with the fact that you long for someone, but it shouldn’t be to make you feel better.

That shows you don’t really like yourself. So how do you work on yourself to make a girl really like you?

Girls can get turned off a guy easily too if he has anything creepy ungroomed about him; your relationship might not last long.

Look here at what girls don’t like in guys.

You can find many tips that are going to help you approach a girl because some of these tips even come from research. 

Step 4 – Now you can Start the Search

After you’ve worked on yourself, it’s time to stop looking.

Did you do a double-take when you read that heading?

You might be saying whoa!

I’m here to find out how to get a girlfriend, not to hear that I should stop looking!

But maybe that’s just it – don’t be frantic to find a girlfriend.

Don’t view every woman you see as a potential girlfriend.

It will make you look needy and desperate.

Nobody wants to be around needy people.

Most people have longed for that special someone in their life so you are not alone there.

But when people can see that you are desperate to meet someone, it becomes pitiful and highly unattractive to anyone in fact.

Rather just get out there and meet people, irrespective of whether they are man or woman, expecting nothing in return.

When you have a couldn’t-care-less mentality, where you are not too serious and worried, girls will be naturally drawn to you.

That means enjoying your life as a single

Whether you are single or in a relationship, both these statuses have their advantages and their disadvantages.

If you have a bit of a fling with someone, you might discover what you like or don’t like in women.

If you forget about desperately looking and just focus on having fun in life, then you come across as more appealing and more attractive.

When you are happy and positive, it rubs off on the people around you.

So it’s all about you.

Maybe you miss having someone, but if you were in a relationship, you might not be able to travel like you enjoy doing, or carry on with a project that you were busy with.

Sometimes you might go on weekends with the boys and your girlfriend wouldn’t enjoy you doing that so much!

So you have to realize that some things you love doing are easier done when you are single.

A relationship requires work, don’t forget that

Being in a relationship is not plain sailing – it requires work and care.

You have to work at winning a girl’s heart every day once you are in a relationship, and there will be a lot of fixing needing to make it work and if you are not ready for this, you are not ready for a relationship.

Step 5 – Your role in getting a girlfriend

The requirements for a successful relationship.

You have to understand that today’s romantic ways to attract a girl and then get her are quite a bit different from what they were forty, fifty, or sixty years ago.

Men were the sole breadwinners back in the day with mom staying home and bringing up the kids.

The modern woman of today doesn’t really need a man to ‘look after her anymore’, financially and even emotionally.

Women have become world leaders, independent thinkers, and doers.

That means they go out there and make the first move on a guy if they like him.

She will send romantic texts or even call and invite you on a date.

If you aren’t really up to date with all the romantic ways of today and you want to get a girlfriend, you still will have to be prepared for taking the first steps if girls aren’t taking the first steps toward you.

If you are brave, decisive, and nice, you are gonna get it right

You must be dying to know what women want in a modern guy today.

We’re about to tell you about some fabulous character traits that women love in guys today. It means they are going to notice you as you go about your daily life.

How well do you qualify?

1) Humor…

…is a fantastic characteristic to have in your life; it will carry through and over many a problem and find you help from people who would otherwise not assist!

When you know how to laugh at others kindly, but also at yourself, throwing in a witty joke every now and then, you are going to be liked, make no mistake.

So, for instance, if you were to trip and fall in front of a woman, don’t get all on the defensive and blame whatever you can see for being responsible.

Try erupting into laughter and cracking a joke or two – just see what a difference that will make!

2) Hygiene

Whether you are male or female, if you have body odor, you are going to be snubbed and ignored and teased even.

Then you are going to be unhappy!

Each and every day you have to take a shower and groom your body – even again if you are going to go out later with someone you like!

Brush your teeth every day, have a regular modern haircut, put on fresh clothes every day, plus add some delightful deodorant and perfume smells to complete the picture – don’t forget – short clean nails too.

Women notice hands on a man!

3) Are you successful?

Because even in today’s modern times, women still want the guy they date to be successful.


Because it’s attractive to a woman that a guy would be able to provide for his potential family.

No, you don’t have to go out and get that college degree or become a CEO of a big company.

That would be nice, sure, but it is enough if you are confident in yourself and your abilities to make ends meet, and you are not a mean miser, hoarding what you have.

If you meet a girl and tell her that you have endless debt and you don’t earn a lot, it is going to be a bit of a turnoff for her, for sure.

4) Have you plenty of passion?

We are not talking about you being a passionate lover, although that is a good thing.

We are talking about things that drive you, that you become excited about and which you enjoy devoting your time to.

Like a sport, or a hobby, or your art, or your music.

But it mustn’t take up all your time and your energy, particularly if the woman you like is not particularly interested in it.

Then it can have the opposite effect on you, and her.

5) How are you for spontaneity?  

If you are a couch potato, lounging away the hours at home, you are not going to be particularly sought after.

Girls like guys who are active, alert, and spontaneous to new things, and these things boost your confidence too.

You need to have your own opinions and the confidence to talk to strangers.

You need to be able to make your own decisions and be a leader.

And you also need to admit when you make mistakes.

In that way you demand respect by the way you behave – you have rules that you believe in and don’t break, but you also accept other people for who they are.

We haven’t covered all the points that women find attractive in guys, but the above ones are the top ones that at least will get you going and make you a liked person.

Step 6 – Change Yourself from the Inside Out

Can you see it’s the outside as well as the inside that needs attention?

Women are checking out guys all the time.

That means you have to make the most of your looks and body and what you have been given.

  • So as we mentioned above, hygiene is a top priority but how is your clothing?
  • Are you dressing appropriately for this day and age?
  • Do your shoes have holes in and a button on your shirt is missing?
  • Are you exercising as well so your clothes aren’t stretching over your body and your stomach is sticking out?

That’s what women notice on the outside.

Now we have just shown you above what should be on the inside.

Women love beautiful men but the relationship doesn’t last very long if the guy doesn’t have anything intelligent to say either.

Remember that if you are a fool, you will attract fools.

So never badmouth others, be kind and considerate, not snooty.

Wear an inner smile and work on your confidence, all wonderful traits that draw people to you.

Gather experience as you go along

It is good advice to chat with many women as you go along and be used to talking to them, not acting all nervous and sweating around them.

That’s a big turnoff for them.

Be casual and crack some jokes or learn the art of flirting.

Try and join a club you like, where women also attend and that will give you the opportunity of interacting with them where you learn more and more about what you like and what you don’t like.

Even if the ladies at the club are taken already, it is still good just chatting with them casually, without having any ulterior motives.

Remember, don’t try and win the heart of a woman who is already taken.

That’s not attractive and can get you into some serious trouble if her guy doesn’t approve or like you!

That means improving and developing yourself

Don’t ever think you have arrived – rather carry on learning so that you never stagnate.

Work on yourself, becoming the best version you can be, never comparing yourself to others.

Pursue your dreams that are still your passion and achieve them.

If you do just a little bit every day to make yourself a better person, you have already achieved something.

Getting rid of negativity

Being jealous or envious of others is the kind of negativity we are talking about here.

Don’t begrudge other people their success.

It just makes you a bitter, angry, and negative person.

Rather be full of gratitude, with a humble spirit, not arrogant.

You will see how people are drawn to you when you have those characteristics.

Being well-liked and popular

This is an excellent tip to learn.

No one is saying you have to be the center of attention with people fawning around you.

No, not that.

You get people who are always pushing themselves into the limelight to be liked, but most people just pretend to like them.

If you are good company and a positive person that people talk well about when you are not around then you are on track!

Men who are in demand are simply positive, pleasant, fair, humorous guys.  

How do I get popular with the girls?

Unfortunately, there isn’t one recipe for success where we can say do this and do that.

But there are some good things that you can learn to be and we have put great links for you on each one so you can really see how important each one is:

Each one means being that guy!

  • Learn to be self-confident
  • Be passionate
  • Don’t be negative – be positive
  • Be kind and helpful, but don’t let yourself be exploited
  • Focus on the here and now
  • Don’t be jealous or envious
  • Listen carefully to people
  • Spend time with the right people and people who are close to your heart
  • Smile, it’s important
  • Respect others
  • Don’t worry what people think of you
  • Believe that you deserve love
  • Accept that not everyone will like you all the time
  • Accept that you are not perfect

Step 7 – Find and Meet the Girls

You have to get out there.

Well, if you are someone who is out and about you will notice that as soon as you step outside on an errand, there are plenty of women everywhere!

OK, you can’t just walk up to women and introduce yourself.

But you can do it in a place where you are comfortable and where you can be yourself.

Now is the time to get out of your shell and start doing things.

If you like a bar or a disco, you are going to find girls there, for sure.

For instance, you might join up with a pub tour and have a fun evening.

Remember not to think that the first time you go out you are just going to meet someone immediately.

Rather just have fun, and when you are having fun, it usually attracts others.

1) When out having coffee or lunch

You could be out at a café or restaurant, eating, with your laptop in front of you.

You could pretend you need directions somewhere, or you could ask her a question to help with what you are doing for instance.

Don’t get all pushy or upset if she shows she is not interested – just move on and away.

2) Have you tried some dating sites?

There are plenty of these online dating portals that you can try, here are some to try.

Many of these have proved to be successful and many couples have met in this way.

Even if you are just looking for friends, online sites can be very useful.

You need to realize as well, that often the people on the dating sites are very superficial, and if you are not exciting enough for them, they move on, quickly finding a replacement.

3) Clubs for hobbies like hiking, art, music, nature where you meet likeminded people

Sometimes life can just get lonely, and often you long for someone to share the same hobbies or likes that you do.

That’s what these wonderful clubs are for, where you meet like-minded people and share your craft.

These clubs can really help you to expand your social circle.

Just look at ways you can find that special person?

4) At events like beach activities, concerts, churches where you share the same beliefs, or flea markets

Holidays and exciting beach activities are wonderful places to meet new friends, and girls and guys will be participating in these activities.

And everybody is usually have a good time, and you are not likely to be rejected!

You will have great opportunities to practice talking to women.

Just don’t be too pushy and understand when people want to just rest and have peace and quiet, because they are also on vacation.

A wonderful place to meet someone who shares the same religious beliefs as you is a church because they often have holiday camps, studies, meetings, social events.

Step 8 – Talking to Women

There is an art to talking to women…

If you want a girlfriend, you have to know how to talk to women.

There are very few guys that just have a girl drop into their lap.

So it’s essential you get the art of talking right.

Don’t be afraid to take the first step.

Just work on your confidence.

There is online dating too if you want to work on your skills as well.

Remember when you talk to a girl it’s not what you say that is so important but how you say it and how you act.

Look at some good things to say and some not-so-good things to say;

1) What you could say


This is the simplest thing to say; it’s casual and friendly

You might be terribly nervous but it should still flow off your lips easily enough.

Remember to smile while you say it, no frown on your face, that won’t cut it.

Then you can carry on talking.

Honesty counts:

If you are a nice guy; friendly, open, and honest, then these 3 characteristics might just allow you to just go up to a girl and get her to like you!  

You could actually tell her honestly that you find her attractive and interesting, and you couldn’t forgive yourself if you didn’t speak to her at least.

A lot of girls will love this and be flattered.

Good luck!

Give a compliment

Generally, it can be rather challenging to compliment a stranger at first sight, mainly because you don’t know that person.

But you could, if you see her struggling a bit with too many bags, help her casually, not like you are looking for conversation.

You will soon see from her reaction whether she likes you or not.

What you shouldn’t say

a) Pick-up lines:

The pick-up lines are kinda stale these days.

Still, a woman might find it funny if you use the real old cheesy ones with a bit of acting to go with it.

But rather not – very few would really carry that one off well.

b) Superficial compliments

Compliments are nice if they are sincere, like something she said that you notice or something about her clothing that is unique to her and which you find really nice.

Maybe you love tattoos and she has one – genuine compliments.

Stay away from the typical ones that no longer carry any weight like how beautiful her eyes are or what a sexy smile she has.

c) And that brings us to the sexual stuff

You cannot bring any lewdness into your connections with girls.

Even if you do find a girl incredibly sexy, you shouldn’t let her see you looking at her with lewdness, or even suggesting anything sexy to her.

You need to keep a cool head here.

It’s about charm all the way.

d) Difficult topics

Such as religion, politics – rather stay away from these at the beginning.

If you pump these at the beginning, you could come across as fanatical and nobody wants that.

Remember, opinions differ widely here, and anybody can get irritated if you become persistent.

Some interesting don’ts

a) Don’t put her on a pedestal:

This isn’t just a rule for talking to girls, but for life.

Don’t put people on pedestals.

If you think you are not worthy of a girl, she will think the same thing.

Speak eye to eye to someone as their equal, because that’s what you are.

b) Don’t force love:

Because you can try all you want but you can’t make someone fall in love with you no matter how nice you are.

But don’t let that discourage you; the next woman is sure to come.

c) Don’t try to change her mind if the relationship is failing:

Maybe her feelings weren’t strong enough, or she is interested in someone else, whatever.

Just accept her decision and leave her alone.

Here are some signs to show you how you can know if a girl likes you.

d) Don’t chase a woman or be obsessed with her

Particularly if she is not into you at all.

Live your life in the way you love and make it exciting for you.

Then she will be more interested in you.

Also, stop believing and hoping that she is going to see how wonderful you are eventually.

That usually only happens when you stop thinking about her, and you don’t care so much about her or obsess over her.

There are probably heaps of other women who will suit you better.

e) Don’t get discouraged

You are probably going to meet hundreds of women in your life who would interest you.

Get to know them and talk to them – there is going to be rejection.

Don’t get all broken up about being rejected. 

Just Dust off your jacket and keep on moving forward.

Naturally, when a relationship ends, it can be sad.

But don’t let it drag you down for months on end.

Climb back into the saddle and get moving.

Start doing stuff with your friends again, get traveling, and carry on with that hobby, whatever.

To get over someone, you have to get out there and experience things again.

Step 9 – DO get her Number

Because that’s going to get the date!

That’s when you can see the conversation went well.

If you see she likes you, ask for her number.

Don’t miss the opportunity to let a girl slip out of your life that might have been the one.

Once you do have her number, don’t get too chatty with her, just go on a date.

a) Do treat her like a buddy:

Sure, she might be your queen, but you are the king, so never put her on a pedestal.

You might lose your attraction pretty quickly for her if you do, where she might even take advantage of you.

b) Do learn to be alone

This is very important.

Enjoy your hours alone, using them to do productive and exciting things.

Don’t use it as an excuse to play video games for hours or lie in front of the television.

You will never find love this way!

c) Do be aware of the friend zone:

Sometimes this happens when you mean too well of the relationship.

You thought you could buy her love with loving gestures.

You need to be someone she respects.

If just friendship is not enough for you, but she doesn’t want to have a relationship with you, then find the courage to end the relationship.

You have to find what is most relevant to you.

d) Do be careful with gifts and compliments:

Don’t overwhelm her with too many compliments and gifts, but learn to hold back.

Otherwise, it looks like you are trying to buy her love when you don’t seem to deserve it. 

You cannot subordinate yourself to her, that’s a big no, with a capital N.

There needs to be give-and-take between you, not just sheer giving from your side – it needs balance.

e) Do tease her, but remember to step on the brakes:

Teasing is a sign of affection, so playful, loving taunts fuel the fire as well.

But know when to apply the brakes by constraining yourself a little as well.

Remember, that as long as you are mysterious and she cannot interpret you properly, you remain an exciting connection for her.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

How do I get a girlfriend?

Getting a girlfriend can appear to be really hard, but you shouldn’t ever give up!

As we have mentioned above, first start with yourself, and then when you feel you have the things that girls like, start setting about to meet them.

You will find them at events, clubs, mutual friends, cafes, and pubs.

When you notice that a girl is interested in you, then you can ask her on a date.

Where do guys meet their girlfriends?

Usually, the 18-34-year-old group meets many guys n gals through contacts because it’s these years where they are most socially active, through school, then college, on the university campus, work, friends, etc.

The older you get, the fewer the opportunities get.

But we have listed many places where you can still meet girls.

What about shy guys? Do girls like them?

Usually, a shy guy is a good listener. But apart from that, there are thousands of girls whose choice in a guy is that they are quiet, reserved types. That does not mean that they don’t have confidence!


If you are a guy that wants to meet a girl, but they all seem to be passing you by, this article will help you know the reasons why it might be the case, and what you can do about it.

You might be a guy who likes your appearance but believes you could work on your charisma.

There are some people who enter a room and nobody cares or even notices.

Then there are others whom people are actually waiting to see and hear from.

They have something that draws people to them.

Now you want a girl, but you say to yourself she wouldn’t be into you in any case.

But you can’t afford that kind of mindset; with such a mindset, you won’t get very far in life.

But we have provided you links in this article where you can work on your confidence.

  • Start acting differently.
  • Don’t be the languishing lovesick guy who has a girl on a pedestal.
  • Turn the roles around.
  • Let her be the one to win your heart!

If you do really want a girlfriend, however, you have to see that your priorities are right.

Guys always want a beautiful woman in their arms, there’s no doubt about that.

But if you can’t have a good conversation with her, you might lose out.

Remember too, you can’t expect to get a perfect girl because you, yourself, aren’t perfect – that means you will have to make some compromises along the way.

As we said right at the beginning: Preparation is the key.

And as we also said, you might not agree with all our points, but try the ones you do, and then come back and let us know!

Also Read: Why Do Guys Come Back After You Get Over Them