Breaking Up and Getting Back Together Years Later – What You Should Keep In Mind

Getting back with ex

So…

  • Is reuniting with an ex after years a good idea?
  • If so, what should you keep in mind if you do get your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend back? 

This article will give you  17 things you should know…

You see, many couples, after they break up, do not really ever imagine that years and years down the line they might actually get back together again with their ex.

It does not really seem imaginable, and yet it has happened to many couples before you.

But before we get down to anything, it is important to know that if you are one such couple getting back together after many years, there are a few things to bear in mind.

And one important question is why do you want to get back when years back, you went your separate ways?

You need to understand that a lot has happened and changed in that space of time

That means the ex would have changed as well; you will have changed too.

What would make you believe that it is worth giving the relationship another shot after so many years?

Some people have said that they just kind of bumped into their ex after years of not being in contact and their ex looked amazing.

They suggested getting together for coffee to chat about the good old times and discovered that the years’ in-between just seemed to melt away.

They met a few more times and realized they wanted to see more of each other.

Some people say their ex found them again on the social network sites and as they chatted, all the old feelings came back again.

Some of these old relationships had solid foundations whilst others were only based on sexual desires.

Some say the relationship of long ago broke up because of a simple misunderstanding or other circumstantial reasons.

Now after all these years, both of you are single again.

It seems to make sense that if two people who parted years ago through unfortunate circumstances are brought back together again years later, that they could just pick up where they left off?

But could they?

If you had that cuppa coffee together, chatted about old times, arranged to meet again, there are a few things you need to bear in mind before making that final commitment…

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Reunited with an Ex after years apart? Keep The Following In Mind…

Lady talking

1) The length of the relationship you had with your ex back then

They say the length of the relationship you had with your ex is important.

Statistics have found that the longer you were together, the higher the chances are that you would get back together with that person successfully.

After all, you have more history together, don’t you? And the foundation of your relationship is also stronger.

That is not to say that if you had only been with your ex for a few months that it wouldn’t work in the future or that you should not get back together if you only had a short relationship.

2) What made your relationship break up long ago?

Maybe years back your relationship ended simply because your ex moved away for work or for whatever reasons, and you were parted.

Maybe when that happened the two of you decided that a long-distance relationship wouldn’t work for you two.

Then it would make sense that your love could be rekindled again; after all, it was circumstances that drove you apart and not any problems.

But say now you broke up because you had different goals and different values in life.

Then you would understand that it would make sense that the chances of you being successful in later years would not be that positive for you, not so?

It might be much more challenging now and you would have to consider that.

Years and years of being apart won’t bring back the exact same person of years back.

A lot of water would have flowed under the bridge for both of you.

Maybe the different views and values that separated you in the past will be obstacles going forward again.

Going into the relationship hoping that he will probably change is not likely to happen now, so that is something you need to bear in mind if you are thinking of getting back together again.

3) Did you end the relationship mutually and amicably years ago?

If you ended a relationship on good terms years ago, one would naturally assume that years later, if you met up again, that you would continue to still get on well with each other.

Both of you will probably chat about all the fun, happy things you once did.

That would certainly make it worth a couple wanting to give the relationship another try again; this is of course if you are both singles at this moment in time.

But say now your breakup, as you remember it, was nasty, and lots of hurtful words were flung at each other.

Then why would you want to be starting all over with this person again?

Remember that there would probably be a lot of emotional barriers to wade through before you would be able to accept each other again.

And those nasty words that were spoken; if they were taken to heart, have they all been forgiven?

4) Were you very serious with each other back then?

You might even have met each other’s family and friends back then and they liked your ex so much; they laughed and chatted and assumed you would be together and walk up the aisle eventually – your ex was part of your future plans and theirs.

That is a good sign that you would probably stand a good chance at reconciliation.

If you had discussed future plans back then, it would have meant that you had both decided that you were meant for each other and wanted to spend your life together.

5) But …… Is your ex seeing someone right now? – assuming you are both single

That’s a good question that needs to be sorted out right now.

After all, you meet up for coffee expecting another invite because the conversation was just flowing and the time has passed so quickly.

You are both so chuffed that you have found each other again.

But then he lets fall that he is actually seeing someone else; that he has a current lover and that things are going well for them too.

Nevertheless, they are not married yet.

Well, there is nothing you can do about the situation at the moment.

All you can do now is to wait and see what kind of an impact you made on him.

Your meet-up might have changed the dynamics completely again.

Maybe after your coffee, chat, and reminiscing over the past, your ex feels, like you do, that you don’t want to lose touch with each other again.

If he is seeing someone, it will be up to your ex for you to see what happens next, and to play your cards right.

If he really wants to be serious with you, he might break off entirely from his current partner for you!

6) Is a relationship a top priority for your ex?

You would need to hear that he is keen to be in a relationship with you because people’s priorities do change at different stages of their life.

There comes a time when they might want to start focusing on their career first; some want to start a family and that could have become a top priority.

You will have to realize that he might have quite a few new priorities in his life.

You will want to become one of those top priorities in his life again now that you have found each other again and he has not remarried.

How do you plan on doing that?

Because lots of water and things have flowed under the bridge since you were last together, and both you and he have become older, with different ideas, dreams, and priorities; and you will have to bear that in mind.

7) Now that you are older and life has changed, how will you go about getting your ex back?

You might be over the moon to have been in contact with your ex again, and you want to rekindle the days of the past.

You kind of dream of the days when you and he flirted wildly with each other – maybe things can be just like those days?

But things are different now and the things you do now might not be so well received as they did when you were young.

How you try and win him back now might actually hurt your chances of winning him back, and in the end, might even kill it.

Read this, because there are important things you shouldn’t be doing to try and get him or her back!

And check out some good advice that you should try in order to win him back.

The last thing you want to do is chase after him now that you have “found” him again; trying to recapture the past, and it doesn’t happen like that at all.

But of course, giving love a second chance is worth it – it might just require different ways.

Research says that couples who do reunite have a 72% chance of the relationship working out.

So let’s look at some more things you need to bear in mind…

8) Remember, you are starting a brand new relationship. You aren’t continuing the same one as before

That’s important to remember because many years have passed.

You might be saying, sure, but my relationship just continues, because it’s with the same person, right?

But wrong.

For certain reasons, the relationship that you had long ago ended, and it could be that this time around it might not work out at all.

The history you had with your ex won’t just disappear either.

But the point here is that you are will be starting a whole new partnership; with newer and healthier emotional habits.

Experts say that it is totally possible for ex-lovers to fall in love and try again.

In fact, it happens more than you might believe.

It is totally possible to fall back in love with someone that you once used to date – that it is hard to move on from an ex because they were such a big part of your life.

So there you are!

9) It will be easier for you now if your separation of the past was a clean break

  • Can you remember back then how your relationship with your ex ended?
  • Did you cut off all contact with your ex after the breakup?

That actually would have helped a great deal because it would have given you the chance to start working on yourself.

You would have needed to grow and develop your own individuality.

Naturally, even the messiest or unpleasantness of a breakup could still ultimately lead to lasting love, we are not saying it is impossible.

But separating from your ex in a clean break once upon a time will have given you a taste of life on your own.

This could have given you a lot more insight into the person you are and what you are looking for now that you have reunited.

Bear that in mind.

10) Sometimes you just need to try things out again so that you will know for sure

Don’t use this as an excuse to go back to a toxic person and a toxic relationship!

11) You didn’t end the last relationship you had with your ex in a bad way

It might have been that it was just life events that separated you in the end.

That would make sense that round two would very possibly work out well too.

You might be anxious to see if you two, once you start dating, will find the same happiness that you once shared.

This will no doubt let you know whether you would be able to be happy again with this older version of the person you loved back then.

Don’t try and get back with someone who once made your life miserable though, because you will know that it won’t work out this time either.

Why on earth would you even try and get back with someone if they made you miserable in the past.

13) Your surroundings and you yourself need to have changed before you get back

 As time passes, we gain more experience along life’s way.

That happens to everybody.

But there should be something really different this second time around that kind of connects you again romantically.

Otherwise, you might both be doomed to similar types of situations as you had before.

Remember too, that if you want a fresh start with this person, reuniting is just the very beginning.

There will be a lot of emotional work from both of you to bring it all together!

13) Remember, that forgiveness is vital

You will in all likelihood, be starting off with a whole lot more baggage than what brand new couples would be.

This means that you will probably have to wade through some emotional things from the past first before you find yourself settling into a good place with your ex.

14) You will need to toss your pride out right there and then

If you are going to heal the wounds of the past breakup, there is going to be a lot of humility needed from both sides; to forgive and forget.

No matter what comes of the relationship, you will find your conflict resolution skills developing during this experience, but it will bring peace and happiness.

15) No grudges from the past can remain

If you were hurt badly in the past or perhaps you were the one who ended the relationship, both you and him are going to have to find ways to move past resentments.

This is the only way you will find happiness in your new relationship.

Starting a relationship with just one person feeling they are the “right” one and the other must first fix things isn’t going to work at all.

Things need to be equal on both sides on the same page because a relationship is a two-way affair.

16) Talk about the things you did when you were apart

You don’t have to go into a whole lot of details about the history of your life with your ex when you weren’t with him.

You could just say something like, “I dated someone for a few months”.

Hopefully, it is not someone your ex knew, otherwise it could trigger jealousy and hurt.

But OK, that was when you weren’t going out with him!

What is important here is that there should be no surprises down the road that your old flame might learn about that you are keeping secret.

If your guy is upset about it, it is best you talk about it and address fears and concerns, and then move on.

17) Get rid of the armor and the criticism

Unfortunately, old wounds and old criticisms will have a way of stealing back into the relationships.

They can disrupt the connection or prevent it from ever taking off again.

Or once you start a “new” relationship with an ex after many years, you cannot afford to be keeping your guard up all the time, keeping the armor on to protect yourself.

If you refer to old criticisms; soon the relationship will be gasping for air.

Bear in mind that this new relationship will need to allow each person to be open and transparent, pretenses all gone and all flaws and vulnerabilities to be on full show

…that will make for a beautiful start, not an easy one, but it can only flourish once the walls fall and the armor comes off so that the relationship can find you.

Read these lovely stories here; they are stories of four women who got divorced and then remarried their exes later on in life.

You might not relate to them at all or you might.

You might think your situation is not at all like theirs, but still, there is always something interesting and valuable to learn from what other people have been through.

Frequently Asked Questions(FAQs)

Can exes get back together after being years apart?

Yes, it is possible that two people who dated years ago can rekindle their relationships years later. You need to both make sure that you have moved on from the problems that might have caused you to break up in the first place.

Do you still feel highly attracted to each other after all this time has passed?

Is it possible and normal to love someone in the same way after being years apart?

Yes, it's perfectly normal to still love your ex after a break-up, even years ago. This person might have been your first love, or closer to you than any other person has been.

Maybe they knew you better than even your family did. It's ok to love and miss your ex, and to be over the moon if they come back into your life again.

Why does an ex come back years later?

There are many reasons why this might be. It could be guilt; it could be because you looked him up or you just bumped into each other – there are just so many reasons.

Maybe your ex never learned anything from the breakup of the past and he just learned to sweep his internal issues under the rug.

What percentage of long-term relationships do get back together?

New research shows that around 50% of couples that break up get back together again.

Conclusion

If you are interested in getting back with an ex after years and years apart, the whole getting back successfully will start with your outlook and your attitude.

To want to be together and to believe that you can seduce him again is half the battle won.

Being negative and lacking the self-confidence to approach your ex could easily create obstacles and barriers.

Smiles, positive body language, optimism, and excitement are big attractions after you have re-established contact.

Getting back with an ex after years apart is possible, but you must first be able to talk to that person again; not just sporadic conversations here and there.

If your ex can see you have had huge positive growth over the years, you will no doubt be even more attractive and appealing to him now.

He won’t be able to help to feel attracted and drawn to you.

He might want to envision a future with you because he can see you two back together again.

Be open to some of life’s lovely presents that come your way, “Because real love, once blossomed, never disappears.”

Also Read: When Your Ex Blocks You On Everything, Is it Over and What Does it Mean?