Last updated on June 26th, 2020 at 12:14 am
- Does the no contact rule really work every time?
- Does not talking to your ex work?
- Why did you say the no contact rule works so damn well?
- How effective is the no contact rule?
Boy, these kinds of questions keep pouring into my inbox almost every week.
So instead of giving the same answers over and over, I’ve decided to create a comprehensive article that will give you a detailed answer as to why the no contact rule works.
This doesn’t mean you cannot get in touch with me with more personal questions, but I don’t wanna get bugged with the same set of questions multiple times.
As you already know, many relationship experts recommend no contact rule as an effective way of coping with a breakup and/or getting your ex back.
But have you ever wondered why it’s so effective in many instances?
The following are solid reasons why the no contact rule works.
What Will I Learn?
- 19 Reasons Why The No Contact Rule is So Effective in Getting Your Ex Back
- 1) No contact rule works because your partner will miss you: Absence makes the heart go fonder
- 2) Not contacting for some time gives the mindset of starting on a clean slate
- 3) The no contact rule gives room for love to be rekindled or you’ll find new love
- 4) You will not be taken for granted if or when you get back with your ex
- 5) The no contact rule gives you enough time to put things into the right perspective
- 6) No contact rule puts you in the best position to address the underlining causes that led to the breakup
- 7) No contacting gives time for you to redefine your relationship goals or life goals
- 8) Your partner may need to forget about you before falling in love with you again
- 9) Deciding not to contact shows you’re confident enough to risk failing gracefully or come back together better
- 10) Opportunity to have a mediating party to talk to you and your partner without exchanging words
- 11) No contact mitigates against the escalation of the situation by separating the person from the problem
- 12) Pause, Purge and Play
- 13) Take a break, allow upgrade and continue later
- 14) Gives you the opportunity of attracting your partner again while you have the advantage of charting through familiar territory
- 15) Sometimes it’s normal to not talk too quick
- 16) The no contact rule gives you space and time to read or listen to relationship programs
- 17) Limits distractions while preparing for implementing strategies to get back your partner or recover from heartbreak
- 18) Helps you realign your Focus from blaming your Partner or the past to what you can do to make you feel better
- 19) No Contact has been used by others and it worked for them
19 Reasons Why The No Contact Rule is So Effective in Getting Your Ex Back
So let’s get started…
1) No contact rule works because your partner will miss you: Absence makes the heart go fonder
No Contact can work great whether the breakup was on a bad term or when you’ve just had a few signs that your partner is becoming cold and not committing.
Make your partner understand that you’ve noticed a change in your relationship and make it clear that you may need a break to work out on fixing the issues.
This type of breaks is needed sometimes when your partner is too demanding and you’re not sure where the whole relationship is headed.
To be honest, it’s not going to be so easy every time.
The No Contact Rule can help up your partner’s commitment to the relationship if they come back.
2) Not contacting for some time gives the mindset of starting on a clean slate
You can gain from No Contacting because it tricks your mind into having a new start.
It prepares you for a new and improved phase of your relationship life by putting you in the position of resolving underlying.
The action of moving out for some time and getting back helps you to take important stands in the relationship.
Your position will be taken seriously when some work is done to get you back.
3) The no contact rule gives room for love to be rekindled or you’ll find new love
Imagine a relationship where there seems to be physical and social contact only and emotional connection is not so strong.
A social and physical distancing could ultimately be a defining point in creating the emotional connection that you needed.
4) You will not be taken for granted if or when you get back with your ex
If your partner was at fault, applying the no contact rule should create higher mutual respect if you return to your ex.
Even when you’re at fault, you can still apply the no contact rule.
The no contact rule is great to improve mutual respect between you and your partner.
But if you act needy and immature by contacting too early and frequently, your chances of getting back might be curtailed, let alone earning respect.
5) The no contact rule gives you enough time to put things into the right perspective
No contact might be the best decision you might want to take at the spur of the moment when you’re angry and hurt about the whole situation.
You have to be able to calm down and think straight.
You will be better off spending time alone to assess the situations that led to the relationship going bad.
Understandably, you may not be feeling great about what you said, what your partner said, and more things leading to the present moment.
You’ll need to get back to your normal happy life as soon as possible.
So, what can you do immediately?
You should look within and address some of the underlining issues.
6) No contact rule puts you in the best position to address the underlining causes that led to the breakup
Sometimes the nature of a breakup will make you shift all the blame to your partner but it’s a good opportunity for you to think deeply about yourself and the part you play.
If you look deep within enough, you may find patterns that could have been addressed.
The breakup may not be your fault but you may have failed to address deep-seated issues that got worse and caused the breakup.
Not contacting in the time of breakups is not an excuse for running away from fixing your relationship problems.
The time that you cut contact is time for a retreat and self-development to make you become a better person.
7) No contacting gives time for you to redefine your relationship goals or life goals
No matter the outcome you may look to achieve, when you decide not to contact your partner, you may need to look at your core values.
Imagine that you’ve just been stuck with the wrong person or the person you thought you knew has changed.
The little time you disconnect from your partner allows you to think about how you can check back on your values and what you want from the relationship.
Or you can target leaving your thoughts on the future of your relationship with your partner while allowing time for a change.
Interestingly, not contacting your partner gives both you and your partner time to make vital decisions about restoring your relationship to a better state.
If it turns out that you don’t want to continue, the next best thing is to look at the other aspects of your life.
Think about what could add value to your life aside from being in a relationship.
You may find joy in carrying out new projects and engaging in more exciting activities.
8) Your partner may need to forget about you before falling in love with you again
Another good reason that NC rule works is that it makes you and your partner forget about you and the troubles you currently face.
That absence will help you to decide if you should give it another chance or walk away.
Your partner will need to take time to heal.
9) Deciding not to contact shows you’re confident enough to risk failing gracefully or come back together better
You accept the chance to temporarily separate peacefully whether you decide to continue with your ex or not.
By deciding to have the break you show that you’re confident enough to allow the relationship to work out.
If it’s a more serious case like infidelity, for example, not contacting for some time shows that you’re sensitive enough to give some time for your partner to get over the situation.
Even if your significant other does not approve of your limited contact after you’ve decided not to make contact, you know that with time tempers will die down.
10) Opportunity to have a mediating party to talk to you and your partner without exchanging words
The instinct when facing a breakup is to try to fix it by inviting family and friends to talk sense into you and your partner.
But your presence during talks can defeat the aim of doing that.
If your chance at getting back your ex must increase, exchanging words in a way that may escalate the problem should be avoided.
11) No contact mitigates against the escalation of the situation by separating the person from the problem
Understandably you might have hurt your partner or you’re the one who’s hurt.
In this situation, a lot will go through your mind but you need to isolate the problem from the person.
If you implement no contacting well, both of you can figure out how to focus on addressing the cause of conflict.
12) Pause, Purge and Play
Sometimes personal issues that only you and your partner experience need to be removed from your lives.
It’s only normal for you to give yourself the time to have a retreat in your lives.
It’s not just enough to walk away if there will not be changes in your relationship present relationship or the next.
That time alone is used for personal improvement is why no contact rule can work to get your ex back.
13) Take a break, allow upgrade and continue later
Don’t take it for granted that most breakups happen because one party thinks they deserve someone more educated, classier, or more intellectual.
There is always something more but we can be enough if there is a commitment to become what we want.
The changes you and your partner need to make may be small or big but it’s significant how you make a move.
The physical movement is a metaphor for moving from a lower state to become a more mature and experienced person.
14) Gives you the opportunity of attracting your partner again while you have the advantage of charting through familiar territory
If it’s mostly your fault that you are not together, it’s smart to consider making your partner fall in love with you again before they do with another person.
If it’s possible to fix things, calling too soon and ending with no success does not make sense.
The no contact rule works because of the approach of working with the experience you shared in looking for possible ways to get your ex back into your life.
Trying too hard too soon will make no much difference as it will appear as if you’re trying to take advantage of them.
Your partner may also have the feeling that you’re making light of what has happened by trying to persuade them with attraction tricks.
At this point, it may be annoying.
So why the no contact rule would work is because, when you allow sometime before explaining yourself and apologizing, you also show that you respect your partner.
15) Sometimes it’s normal to not talk too quick
You may not be compelled to defend yourself immediately by making physical contact.
Imagine if your partner was the guilty party in a situation where you just want them to apologize and leave you alone because what just happened was shameful.
And you just cannot stand the shame of your partner breaking down right in your presence. It’s the right thing to leave after assuring that you regret your action.
It could happen in the case of infidelity and other scenarios.
It is wise to maintain no contact for some time when it is natural to give yourself a break and make a decision about the future of your relationship.
16) The no contact rule gives you space and time to read or listen to relationship programs
You may be very brilliant and knowledgeable but amid a crisis, you may want to seek specific help relating to your case and you need time too.
If you apply the no contact rule, you should have enough time and space to equip yourself with the knowledge and skill you need to attract your partner back.
17) Limits distractions while preparing for implementing strategies to get back your partner or recover from heartbreak
You should set time aside to acquire all the knowledge you need for getting your ex back and how to deal with your issues.
All your good intentions to get back to your ex may fail if you don’t prepare well when implementing the no contact rule.
The biggest question you should ask about whether no contact rule works to get your ex back or not is “how can I make it work for me?”
It works but there are cases where the partner could be very difficult.
Healing after a breakup should be the first step that should work for you because you have control over it.
But as you’d expect, the hard part is attracting or accepting your partner back.
If you seriously want to get your spouse back, the reason why you’ll get it right is that you prepare well for it.
18) Helps you realign your Focus from blaming your Partner or the past to what you can do to make you feel better
You should consider your well being when your partner and you have decided to call a quit.
If you are in the same environment and with the same person, you’ll be less likely to clear your mind from the feeling of hurt.
Even when you are the one who hurt your partner the most, you’ll be showing respect by allowing them to heal faster and possibly forgive you.
For your own good too, staying away for some time can help you focus on the best way to get better.
The Rob Dyer quote below can help drive the point home.
“At the end of the day, you can either focus on what’s tearing you apart, or what’s holding you together.” – Rob Dyer.
19) No Contact has been used by others and it worked for them
The fact that no contact rule has worked for others is a reason to believe that it will work for you.
That mindfulness that others were better off can help to create the healing that you need much faster.
Recovering from a breakup can be stressful and heartbreaking as well.
However, as long as you can remember to breathe you can take your time to be alright.
A very good reason why no contact rule works is because of the positive affirmation that you can adopt after creating a safe space away from the ex-lover you’re breaking up with.
Positive affirmation can boost your mental health and self-confidence especially when you maintain no contact rule during the process of healing from hurt resulting from a breakup.
Mind you, the stress of arguments and conflict that can crop up when you keep contact with people can decrease your chance of feeling better.
Not having contacts with everyone is effective for ensuring that you recover from the hurt and the feelings of rejection and betrayal as the case may be.
However, the effectiveness depends on the choice that you make.
But will no contact work every time?
Yes for recovering and feeling better and it may be complicated when it comes to reversing the effect of separation.
You should know that it gives time for you and your partner to decide if you must continue the relationship or not.
It allows you to look within and decide if you want to continue while forcing your partner to commit to the relationship on a better term.
It may be manipulative in the sense that it forces your partner to commit more to the relationship.
But that is the goal, to ensure that your relationship becomes better.
So that’s all there is to it when it comes to the no contact rule.
I believe you will be able to deal with your breakup while feeling better and getting more from your relationship.
So does the no contact rule work?
Yes, it does but apply commonsense!