- What’s the difference between infatuation and love?
- How do you know if you’re in love or infatuated?
This article will answer those questions and more.
The funny thing is, love and infatuation may look similar on the surface but when critically analyzed, they differ.
The two can be a strong emotional feeling toward someone, but their nature is what makes them distinct.
So, if you are still finding it hard to differentiate between love and infatuation or you want to know if the relationship you’re in at the moment is based on true love or infatuation, the following points will definitely help you differentiate between the two.
Also Read: 17 Reasons Your Ex Is Ignoring You Completely
What Will I Learn?
Differences Between Love And Infatuation – 21 Ways to Tell
So let’s get right into it and demystify the two.
1) One is gradual, but the other happens suddenly
Love as said earlier takes time to blossom and during the process of taking your time to figure out your emotions, some distinct features such as trust and hope sets in.
And sometimes physical features and characters or traits in your partner may differ, but you will eventually find a way of understanding them without losing your standards.
While Infatuation, on the other hand, is sudden, and everything about the whole chemistry is for the present moment.
This breeds anxiety and jealousy if you don’t get a quick response from them or see them with people of the opposite gender.
2) Love is deep, infatuation is superficial
I don’t think this needs any further lectures when you are in love with someone. It simply becomes hard to break and it’s a true sign.
There will definitely be times you will need to work on your differences, but due to the strong bond between you two, you will be ready to work it out.
In a nutshell, true love cannot be switched off like an electric outlet.
With infatuation, the feelings and emotions can quickly turn off like flipping a switch. It could be due to the things they said or did that killed the vibe in you instantly.
And you’d not be willing to work it out with the other party.
And when that happens, you need no soothsayer to tell you it’s the infatuation you are experiencing.
3) One grows stronger with time but the other is ephemeral.
Love may not necessarily have to be forever before you can decide if it is real or not, this is because people change.
But if you are ready to grow together with time, you will discover that love is on the increase.
While Infatuation at the initial stage may sweep you off your feet and look like something that will last forever, allow me to tell you, it is just for a while.
The feeling gradually recedes with time because you were only attracted to the person and once that attraction begins to decline, the feelings decline also, and before you, the feeling is gone.
4) One is mainly physical, the other is more than that.
Many a time we can’t explain why we fall in love with a particular person.
Love may involve some level of physical attractiveness but it may not necessarily be the main reason for the feeling.
The feeling may be due to the emotional compatibility that exists between both parties that gives rise to the bonding.
In the real sense of it, infatuation starts with physical engagement and attraction and may fail to go beyond that, as the drive may fade off once your partner wears a new look or acts differently.
5) Love grows with distance but Infatuation fades out with it.
With true love, distance is not a barrier, as it makes the feeling stronger and strengthened.
While infatuation fades out with distance.
Once you are distant from the person you are infatuated with, it can make that feeling weak and die off…
Simply because the feeling is not from your heart but your brain and once you do not see the person, you begin to forget them.
6) One is genuine, the other has an ulterior motive.
With true love, everything you feel or do for the person is for a genuine reason and without any other motive.
Unlike infatuation where the reason for doing something is to gain one’s benefit or the other.
7) Love is real while infatuation is fantasy.
With true love, the whole feeling will be real without an iota of doubt whatsoever.
You will be ready to work on your differences and sort things out.
Also falling in love with someone may not be based on physical features such as height, beauty, or color, it is a thing of the heart.
With true love, everything is natural.
While infatuation, on the other hand, is all about fantasy and imagination, because it is based on physical appearance and looks.
8) One is considerate, and the other is self-centered.
True love considers the needs of the other person before superimposing your wishes and needs on them.
True love makes you consider the need of the other person as just as important as yours.
While infatuation makes everything seem about you.
You become less considerate and selfish and if your wishes are not attended to, it can make you lose interest and wear off the emotions you think you have.
9) One is obligated, and the other gives excuses.
With true love, you feel obligated to that person and you are ready to put in efforts to make things work out for both of you in case there are issues.
Trust me, there will always be issues and only true love will make you stay committed to ironing things out.
Infatuation, on the other hand, can make you easily switch feelings when there is a slight issue and gradually lose interest.
The issue could be what you heard about them and that makes you kill what you have for them.
10) Love is not jealous, infatuation is.
When you sincerely love someone, it will be easy to trust them and once trust is evident, there’ll be no room for jealousy.
True love does not suspect the other person nor does it breed insecurity.
Infatuation, on the other hand, makes you jealous and this is very evident in relationships ignited by infatuation. One party begins to suspect and this can make the feelings dwindle and die off.
11) One is mutual, the other is one-sided.
True love is a mutual feeling that occurs between two active people.
Unlike infatuation which is quite demanding and one-sided.
The other party is mostly passive because they are not aware of the other person’s intention toward them.
12) Love overlooks flaws, infatuation thrives on perfection.
Another thing to check out if you want to know if what you feel is true love or infatuation is your perspective of your partner’s flaws.
True love accepts and overlooks the flaws of the person and in special cases, if such flaws can be corrected, they suggest the solutions with affection and not superimposing them on their partner.
Sometimes it could be the flaws in your partner that may make you love him more.
While infatuation, on the other hand, is based on perfection and pretense.
The perfection issue may be from your end by trying to impress them.
It could also be that you always want them to be perfect and in so doing, you overdo it and when they let you know about it, you become agitated and sad.
13) Love forgives, infatuation holds grudges.
There is a popular saying “the final form of love is forgiveness“.
One of the basic things to check out for is the ability to forgive easily when arguments and fights come up.
If you truly love someone you will be quick to forgive easily, whereas infatuation will make you hold grudges and complain every time an issue comes up.
14) Love is monogamous, Infatuation is not.
True love can only exist between two people, and anything other than that is not true love.
You cannot be in love with two people at the same time and any school of thought contrary to this opinion is wrong.
Infatuation, on the other hand, can occur between two or more persons at a time.
You cannot claim you love someone and have other people you are having feelings for.
Hence, it is safe to say that infatuation is having multiple feelings for more than one person at a particular time.
15) One will not distract you, the other will.
True love will;
- Make you keep track of your activities and even allow you to create time for yourself.
- Allow you to cope with work.
- Improve you and advise you on how to schedule your plans.
- And may help out with some tasks if need be.
Infatuation, on the other hand, is draining, it makes you spend almost your whole day with someone and in the process, you might neglect your duty and activity.
Note: I’m not saying you can’t spend a whole day with someone you truly love, what I’m saying is true love drives you to become a better you while infatuation will eventually drive you crazy.
16) Love corrects, infatuation endures.
If you love someone, their welfare will become your concern even without their approval.
If they get involved in what may turn out to be harmful to them, you will be ready to correct the person.
Unlike infatuation where everything you do is to please the person.
This leads to pretense when they do something bad, and instead of you correcting them, you act as if you are ok with it.
17) One makes sacrifices, the other does not.
Another feature to watch out for in noting the difference between love and infatuation is sacrifice making.
When you are in love with someone, making sacrifices for them will be done without hesitation.
The sacrifices may be done out of pure intention without expecting them to do the same for you even if the tables were turned.
But if you are infatuated with a person, making sacrifices will be a very hard thing to do for them simply because you know the feeling is not strong enough.
18) One does not give up, the other does.
When you love someone, you are ready to fight for the relationship to stay strong no matter how the circumstance may be.
You will always fight for love.
With infatuation, it will be very easy to end things simply because all you care about is your ego.
With true love, there is no ego.
19) Love cares, infatuation impresses.
True love looks for the welfare of the other partner.
When someone you claim to love is in dire need, trying to impress them will not be your aim…
Rather you would aim to solve the problem they find themselves at that particular point in time because you feel you are directly or indirectly affected.
Infatuation, on the other hand, is concerned about showing off when trying to help.
The main and primary reason behind caring is just to impress – the second reason is just to help.
20) One is not blind, the other is.
Another point to be corrected is the general saying “love is blind”.
Love is not blind, infatuation is!
When you claim you love someone, you do not ignore the bad in that person.
But rather try to correct and work things out with them.
It is a very dangerous thing to ignore the bad aspect of a person simply because you love them, it is a toxic act and may, in turn, come back to haunt you.
Infatuation, on the other hand, turns a blind eye to the person’s bad side even when family and friends keep pointing them out.
You are infatuated if all you see is perfection in a person.
21) One is destructive, the other is not.
True love facilitates what is good for you; ranging from self-development, ambition, and room for improvement.
While infatuation on another hand has a negative effect which can make you forget about the reality of life.
It will be fair to say that it is not wrong for two people to be infatuated with each other if they understand the type of relationship that exists between them.
We’ve watched many TV shows and movies and it’s no surprise why many (especially teenagers and young adults) confuse love with infatuation.
What we see in most romantic movies is all infatuation – meeting someone and having an immediate strong connection.
Regrettably, they call it love and it is a misleading view.
Worse yet, most people now base their relationship on such a scripted scene.
It will not be shocking to say that most of us have experienced infatuation at one stage in our lives especially when we were teenagers or in our early twenties.
Most times, it requires one or two painful experiences before we can decipher what true love feels like.
I personally discovered the difference between true love and infatuation after my first break up and it took me many years to bounce back.
Yours may not be the case but once the grip of real love holds you, you will know the difference.
By and large, true love grows and blossoms with time and distance, but infatuation grows weak with time and may die a natural death once distance sets in.
So if you are not certain or sure of your feelings towards someone, it is best to take things slow and give it time.
If it is true love, it will grow with time.
But if it is infatuation, it’ll rapidly fade off.